The Rebellion
by Little Miss Mionie
Summary: Sick of being ignored by his parents for his brother, the Boy Who Lived, ten-year-old Harry ran away. Five years on and Harry's back, but he's bought more than a group of armed fighters and friends... CRACKFIC!
1. Enter The Rebels!

**Author's Note:** Hi. This is a _**crackfic **_of the all the Harry's-Sibling-Becomes-The-Chosen-One-And-Harry's-All-Jaded fics you see around. It's not meant to be taken seriously and yes, I know, it's completely nuts :) It was originally written as a joke to my friends but has since been revised over the years with the premise of being a somewhat satirical piece of fanfiction. General mistakes and things that were actually lame have been removed for your benefit.

**Warnings - Please Read! **Frequent coarse language, innuendo, character!bashing, Unrealistic!Plot, Unrealistic!Characterisation of Lily and James Potter, Unrealistic!Portrayal of parenting, insanity, stupid-ness, tomfoolery, too many OC's with multiple names just to confuse you, canon charas who have gone OOC, angst, fangirls disgusing themselves as characters and all other unholy literary devices and general fanfiction n00b/fangirl mistakes That Shall Not Be Named But Shall Be On Display. This _is_ a crackfic! Please be cautious and read with discretion if you find any of these notions upsetting or offensive in any way. And, of course, if there is anything serious in here that you do find offensive, or if there are major grammatical errors that almost blind, please let me know.

**PS. **There is no vault that Harry Potter is suddenly alerted about which leaves him a millionare. He also doesn't possess the desire to be become an animagus and thus transforms into a phoenix or a strange African leopard. Sorry.

..:ooOOOoo:..

"The delegations that call themselves the Rebellion will be arriving shortly," announced Albus Dumbledore to the Order of the Phoenix, who were residing in number twelve Grimmauld place, Order Member's Sirius Black's childhood home.

The Order of The Phoenix consisted of the most cunning witches and wizards of their time.

Well, next to the Rebellion, they were.

Some of the more prominent members were Mr and Mrs Arthur and Molly Weasley; Mr Sirius Black; Miss Nymphadora Tonks; Mr Remus Lupin; Mr Severus Snape; Ms Minerva McGonagall; Mr Albus Dumbledore and Mr and Mrs James and Lily Potter.

The children of the Order members were staying at Grimmauld place too; The Weasley's kids: Bill, Charlie, Fred, George, Percy, Ginny and Ron; a Muggleborn witch by the name of Hermione Granger, who was Ron's best friend; and the Potter's only son, Gainel.

Well, the seemed to think that he was their only son. Gainel's younger-by-one-year brother, Harry Potter, had vanished when he was ten years old. Lily and James had been a little devastated. Secretly, Sirius (Harry's godfather) and Remus seemed ashamed at their best friends- their son had been missing for a week before they had even realised. They had never really loved Harry, and the poor child had known it.

Gainel was the famed Boy Who Lived, and Remus and Sirius (though they pretended to fawn over the rude stuck up boy) didn't like Gainel very much. He was very much self-absorbed in his fame, not very smart, a terrible Quidditch player and a cry-baby. He was a wimp; yet everyone seemed blinded to those particular facts, except for Slytherins and Severus Snape, who was the Potions master (and co-indecently Head of Slytherin House) at Hogwarts.

But Harry had been much different; he had been a bright, strong, confident but shy child with a kind heart. He could play Quidditch like no other (though his parents never seemed to care). While Gainel and Harry looked much the same, there were a few differences. Both had inherited their fathers' messy jet black hair, but Harry had his mothers' beautiful green eyes while Gainel had brown.

The fame had all started when a dictator by the name of Lord Voldemort had marked either Gainel or Harry as his equal. Both children had been attacked (or so it was thought) one fateful night at their home Godric's Hollow; Harry had been left with a lightning bolt shaped scar in the middle of his forehead, while Gainel had been left with a scar on his right hand, that if you squinted, looked like the letters "LV" - therefore Gainel had been pronounced the Boy Who Lived. But it wasn't true. A piece of wall that had crumpled had fallen on Gainel's hand, while Harry was being cursed by Lord Voldemort. But the curse had rebounded, leaving Voldemort for dead. But somehow Dumbledore had come to the conclusion that Gainel was the one who stopped him as he was marked with Voldemort's initials- LV.

So they were the Order of Phoenix member and their children, waiting impatiently for the hailed heroes that called themselves the Rebellion. They didn't even know who the members of the Rebellion were- all that the Order knew was that they were damn good at what they did- which was fighting, duping, stealing, cheating, cussing and scaring bad guys out of their wits.

There was a knocking at the door.

_Knock-Knock-Knockity-knock. _

Then an exact five second silence.

_Knock-Knock-Knockity-Knock.  
_  
Another five seconds of eerie silence.

_Knock-Knock-Knockity-Knock._

It was a creepy sort of knock, like when in muggle horror movies when you _know_ that the murderer is just behind you, but you don't want to turn around anyway. And the fact that the person or people who were presumably the Rebellion who were knocking didn't even knock four times, as most people do absently to make it equal, made the whole situation very creepy. But worst of all was that they people on the other side of the door knew that they were scaring the inhabitants of the Order of the Phoenix Headquarters.

Albus Dumbledore opened the door cautiously, and stepped out of the way for the Order to see those who were standing in the doorway out of the pouring rain at nine o'clock at night.

The door swung all the way around on its hinges with a very loud creaking noise. Five teenagers- all the age of fifteen, to be precise- stood in the doorway, dressed in the most obscure types of muggle clothing.

A teenager on the left hand side was grinning at the stunned Order, pulling his long dreadlocks back into a ponytail with his nible brown fingers. In the back of his dreadlocks appeared to be several scrolls of parchment and what looked like maps. His brown eyes roved over the room, quick and intelligent.

A fair-skinned girl stood next to him. Her hazel eyes betrayed her amusement, and she lficked a lock of her short electric blue hair out of the way she she eyed the Order of the Phoenix. She wore headband, belt and necklace strung with thousands of keys, each one different and unique, and they shone in the light.

A sandy-haired boy to the far right was leaning comfortably against the dorrframe, dripping wet from the rain outside. He was donned in a jacket, and had numerous magical creatures resting upon him: a snowy white owl with big amber eyes upon his shoulder, a red back spider sitting comfortably on his left forearm, a Doxy playing with his hair, a bright red snake curling up on the lower left leg of his cream coloured pants.

The girl next to him wasn't dressed for this type of weather. This girl traded a glance with her blue haired female companion, her heavily lidded eyes dancing wickedly. She had a fierce present: her black ringlets were wild from the storm outside. As a belt, across the top of her chest and in a spiral down both her arms were daggers and knives of what seemed to beevery make, shape and sort.

The boy in the middle of the other four didn't stand out like the others. He was dressed in all black, and had hair the colour to match. Two black snakes were coiled around each of his arms, one with brilliant green eyes and the other a startling blood red. He hid the top part of his face with a gentleman's black top hat. Though he wasn't as noticeable as his comrades, he seemed to be their leader.

The boy with dreadlocks suddenly spoke in a rough voice with something of a French accent lingering, as though he had outgrown it many a time ago.

"Let us introduce ourselves," he said pleasantly. "My name is Jacques, though my nickname is Scribe. We are here to help you. We are the Rebellion."

The girl with heavily black eye makeup glared daggers at the Order.

"I am Kairi," she introduced herself grandly. " I am referred to my friends as Blade." Her eyes darted from one Order member to another, quick and calculating. "We are not here to serve your every whim, nor shall you order us what to do."

The boy covered in animals grinned grimly. "The name's Matthew, but I'm known to these guys as Whisper. We do the job, you pay us. None of all that glory or heroics shit this prat's become accustomed to." he said menacingly, shooting a glance at Gainel, whose eyes started to blaze with cold fury at being tormented.

The blue haired girl fluttered her eyelashes at the Order.

"I am Sarralyn, my nickname is Bolt. All our lives we were ignored or abused. We found each other, and decided to stop it happening to us. If you don't like the way we are or the way we doing things, we'll leave and then you can all get screwed." she announced in a sarrachine voice. Sarralyn smiled sweetly before looking at The Rebellion's leader.

He removed his hat, and stared tauntingly straight into his mother Lily's eyes so like his own. Everyone noticed his eyes and the scar and gasped.

"I'm known to strangers as Fate, those close to me as Harry. So basically," said Harry, grinning as he watched their shocked faces. "We fight, we steal, our methods raw and real. We scare, we laugh, we kick Lord Mould's arse."

The Rebellion chuckled at Fate's rhyme that he'd made up when they were eleven.

"Where have you been?" snapped James suddenly, very angry.

"Istanbul, Paris...around," said Harry vaugely.

Lily stood up beside her husband. "Don't be cheeky, Harry James Potter!"

Blade threatened a very small dagger at Lily. "Did we not just say not to order us around?"

"They can't help it, Blade, they are an _Order_," yarned Whisper, while Scribe and Bolt groaned at the exceedingly bad joke.

"Yes, and we're The Rebellion and we rebel. But," he inquired of the room, "What do the Death Eaters do?"

"Eat death?" asked Bolt, her hazel eyes full of laughter.

"I always thought they just sucked up to Voldemort's arse," commented Fate dryly, playing with his red-eyed snake.

Many of the Order members screamed.

McGonagall recovered enough to inquire, "You dare speak His name?"

Harry narrowed his eyes, frowning. "Yes, and I also like sushi."

The Rebellion couldn't believe that the Order of The Phoenix, the people who were meant to be the best, didn't get sarcasm and were too afraid to say Lord Mould's name.

Harry didn't know how the hell he was going to make it through the next few months with the Order. Especially with the Great and Mighty Gainel.

Well, Scribe always did have a good prank up his sleeve…and a welcoming gift might just be what the Order needed.


	2. The Order Sure Is Funny!

A/N: This is rated for crude implied themes and language.

..:ooOOOoo:..

…_A really big prank…but what? I'll have to ask Scribe…_

Remus interrupted Fate's scheming thoughts.

"I'm sorry for your parents… outburst, Harry…but I'll introduce us for you."

Remus went around introducing everyone, but it didn't really inform the Rebellion as they already knew everything they should (and shouldn't) know about every Order member and their families. Scribe, being the organised bookworm of the lot, would happily inform you how each and every one of them lied, who they are infatuated with and what type of ice-cream was their favourite.

Just as Remus had finished saying Gainel's name, Bolt suddenly shouted with absolute glee: "Gainel Potter! Oh, I know YOU!"

Gainel suddenly looked very smug indeed with himself. Unspoken, all of the Rebellion members inwardly thought that they very much indeed would like to gag.

Sarralyn, aka Bolt, slapped Jacques aka Scribe on the muscled chest playfully.

"You remember Gainel, don't you Scribe? That was such an awesome night…"

Jacques got the gist of where Sarralyn was going with this; The Rebellion had a soft spot for sex jokes. He grinned as if remembering a beautiful moment.

"Yeah, that was one of the best threesomes I've ever had, eh, Gainel?"

Bolt stared off into the distance wistfully. "Pity his dick's so small…"

Everyone was looking back and forth between the two "lovers"

The Weasley twins, Fred and George, obvious prankster masterminds, caught onto what Bolt and Scribe were doing.

"Never knew..."started Fred.

"…You swung that way, mate," finished George for his brother.

"Barking up a different tree," commented Whisper offhandedly, trying hard not to laugh at the look on Gainel's face.

Kairi, aka Blade, inclined her right eyebrow, sizing Gainel up. She sniffed at him, disapproved at what she saw. "Small dick, big head? Figures."

No-one from the Order could speak; they were taking what The Rebellion was talking about seriously!

"You guys are completely stupid!" he cried at them, flustered. "We were joking. You know, JOKING."

Whisper walked over casually to Ron, who had a very big fear of arachnids, putting Lucy, his deadly red back spider onto his palm, right near Ron's face. "Wanna see my spider?" he asked enthusiastically.

Ron positively freaked and ran to the other side of the room, yelling and almost in tears.

Harry snorted. "So emotionless, Ron you are." he said, bowing towards him, Yoda-style.

Blade, who was known for her temper, seductiveness, revenge tactics and randomness, suddenly said to Ron in all seriousness:

"I don't like you Ron," she stated in a very monotone voice, "Your all SPIDERS! SPIDERS! AH! SPIDERS! and stuff."

The room was still deadly silent.

"Damn," stated Fate offhandedly, bored with the constant silence. "Looks like someone's already crashed the party. Well, …so which is the nicest room to get laid in?"

STUPID GODDAMN SILENCE!

How Harry wished he could yell that out. Instead, The Rebellion gave a frustrated sigh as they half yelled in exasperation: "Where can we sleep?"

Tomorrow, they were so going to get pranked.

Plus Harry had heard the prophecy. And the Dark Lord knew it was Harry he was after!

Wait, hold up. Lord Mould, NOT Dark Lord.

Honestly, no wonder Tom riddle became such a sadistic bald little twerp. The people around here had no sense of fun.

The Rebellion grinned. They were going to change that.


	3. Background Info, Sil Vous Plait!

**A/N:** Gainel's name is pronounced _Gan-yell_. Like Daniel but without a "d'. The morse code in this chapter is actually legit.

**Harry **- Fate - Hay Fay  
**Kairi** (pron. Kyh-ree) Blade - Kay Blay - Blay  
**Jacques** (pron. Jahhhkh) Scribe - Jay Scray - Jay  
**Matthew** - Whisper - May Whay - Mat  
**Sarralyn** (pron. Sah-ra-linn) Bolt - Say Bay - Sarra

* * *

Harry woke up to have Scribe tapping him hard on the head impatiently with a furled scroll, whispering "The snake has slithered."

Fate threw the covers of his single bed off him, his attention rapt at the Rebellion's code for that their plan was set in motion.

Fate did a double take as he looked at Scribe. His hair…it wasn't in dreadlocks any more! It was long, straight, and layered just like it used to be before Bolt demanded that he grow it so she could practise doing dreadlocks.

Blade, noticing that Harry had seen Scribe's new hair-do, spoke up.

"I got so sick of looking at those awful dreads so I cut it for him. Bolt wasn't too impressed." she supplied simply, twirling a jack-knife in between her thumb and forefinger as if it was a twig. "And put a shirt on or you'll make everyone visually impaired."

Fate quickly threw on a black t-shirt, the words "Bite Me- Wait, Don't. Rabies." emblazoned in red writing.

Fate noticed Kairi smirking as he put on his shirt.

"Like what you see, Kay-Blay?" asked Harry, tracing the curve of his top lip with his tongue seductively.

Blade rolled her eyes at Harry's antics and the fact that he used their childhood slang of her nickname.

"Hay-Fay," she replied, counteracting with Harry's "slang-nick", as Sarralyn had so appropriately labelled the term when she was eleven. "You know as well as I do that we don't love each other in that way anymore, Fate. And who do you exactly think you are?"

Harry grinned. "I'm just your friendly neighbourhood spider-man. You know that, don't you May-Whay?" asked Fate pointedly of Whisper, who was talking to Harry's second-hand owl, Hedwig.

Whisper let out a final low hoot to Hedwig to finish their conversation (Lord knows what they were talking about), and pushed back his hair, smiling slightly.

"Of course I do. Blade, is you're last name Black?"

"No," retorted Kairi, "It's-"

"Well then you shouldn't have taken Harry's question so _seriously_." cut in Matthew simply. He was infamous for his extremely horrible jokes. "Where's Say-Bay?"

"Just put the finishing touches on our slithering snake." replied Sarralyn from the doorway, giving the rest of the Rebels an impish wink. "Let's go down to breakfast, shall we? Ask everyone how their night's sleep was."

Jacques and Sarralyn walked down the stairs, hand in hand. Whisper rolled his eyes at his sister's behaviour while Blade scoffed at the sentimentality of it all.

"You're just jealous of Sarra, Blay." teased Harry, catching a dagger that expertly almost pinned his ear to the wall of the spare room the Rebels had been allowed to stay in.

"Oh yes, because I'm so _infatuated_ with the boy who considers snails apart of a proper diet." replied Blade, crossing her arms over the black kimono-style shirt she was wearing.

"Don't get in a huff, Blay." said Whisper calmly. "Besides, Fate has a point; you and Scribe spent a whole year together on the streets before you found us. C'mon. I want to see how effective the spells _Luedgay Onguetay-Eethtay_ , _Urplepay Airhay_ and _Bjectsoay Epelray_ are."

Harry grinned as soon as he saw the Order members and their families having their tongues glued to their teeth, purple hair and every object they tried to touch repel away from them.

Praise the lord and all things stolen for Pig-Latin spells.

"So," said Fate loudly, grabbing everyone's attention, "How was everyone's night sleep?"

The Order, bar Hermione, Remus, Sirius, Lily, Snape and Dumbledore, glared at them.

Sure, it wasn't the best prank in the Rebellion had ever done- The time that they put irremovable plastic wrap over the Prime Minister of Australia's toilet seat would have to be one of their finest moments- but as Sarralyn always said (much to everyone else's distaste) _; the mini-skirt wasn't sewn in a day._

So instead of glaring at them, said non-glaring people were doing double takes at The Rebellion; their fashion sense hadn't gotten any less prominent and loud. Remus, Sirius, James, Snape, Dumbledore, Hermione and Lily had been the only ones smart enough to not get pranked fully; all they had was purple hair. So, as I was saying, they were staring at the Rebellion. The Rebels always liked to make a statement.

Fate, donning black jeans, his normal nose stud, his hair out in a short messy mullet, the black t-shirt, two snakes (Grem and Lin) coiled around his arms and black converse around Harry's neck was a strange triangular shaped amulet. It was a black crystal and was highly magical- something the Order didn't know. It was destined for Harry- when the Rebellion had stumbled across it, Fate was the only who could touch it. Sure, he passed out after he did touch it, but from then on he'd always been able to do wandless magic and wand-magic with ease.

Bolt's hair, instead of blue and straight, was now blonde and straight with blue regrowth and tips. She was wearing a blue v-neck lacy bodice, real diamond studs in her ears and nose, turquoise eye shadow, a silver mini-skirt and silver stiletto's with faux sapphires on the straps the hugged her ankles. It might be a good time to state that Sarralyn was a hair metamorphose- she could change the appearance of her hair at will.

Scribe was wearing a tight brown t-shirt, showing off his muscles. His legs were covered by a pair of patched up and worn out grey jeans, and his hair was back in a messy ponytail, in which his parchments, quills and maps were kept. Scribe never cared much for looks, much to his sort-of on/off girlfriend's displeasure, Bolt.

Whisper was donned in a black singlet top, baring his tan and muscles. He had blue denim jeans on and his sandy blonde hair swept over his eyes. He still had some trouble believing that he and Sarralyn were brother and sister. Twins. Well, at least they were not identical.

Blade was garbed in her usual layer of daggers and knives on her chest and coiled around the length of her arms underneath (yet still visible) her ebony kimono-style bodice. Her hair, minus her full straight cut fringe and a few short curls of hair, was in a bun with an assortment of switchblades, daggers, lances and bayonets. She was wearing high heeled leather boots- she made all of Bolt and her shoes by hand- they were equipped with a knife and spike or two in the heel just in case. She also wore black bike pants with a sheathed sword attached and black fishnet stockings. Mixed with her black kohl was sorrel eye shadow.

What the Rebellion wore reflected their upbringing and personality. Kairi and Jacques (Blade and Scribe) had found each other in a back end street of England when they were nine.

Jacques Rouge and his family had been illegal immigrants from France; they had been very poor and couldn't afford a visa. Some drunken idiots had decided to go on a stabbing spree one night- killing the whole of Jacques family. Jacques had buried himself in books, trying to learn everything he could; he had been young, innocent and not very bright back then; he had believed that if he became smarter and learnt English, he wouldn't be killed like his family and would allowed to stay in England.

Kairi Partisian had come from a prejudiced pureblood family. Her parents expected the best from she and her little sister Avalon. If they did anything abnormal, they would be shunned and considered a disgrace. But Avalon wasn't normal; she was a Vampire. Kairi and Avalon had kept it a secret; until one day when Avalon was eight and Kairi was nine. Her parents had witnessed Avalon's transformation, and had been so disgusted that they had stabbed her, right in front of Kairi. They then booted Kairi out of the house, only to leave her with the sword that had killed Avalon and signed emancipation papers.

Kairi kept the sword of her person at all times; if someone who truly deserved to die came across her path, she would use the topaz gemmed sword on them. While using the sword on guilty when it has slaughtered an innocent girl didn't make much sense to the rest of the Rebellion, it made perfect sense to Kairi.

Sarralyn and Matthew Lancer had grown up in an orphanage. Their mother had died shortly after their birth; their father (who they never spoke of) had stabbed her once she had given birth, wanting the children for himself. Five years later, their father had died from a drug overdose. Sarralyn had found a key and a few Bobbi pins and had picked open the door of their run down flat. Matthew, with his ability to talk to animals, had helped them in directing in finding the orphanage, and stumbling across his treasured spider, Lucy. The non identical twins had been the only ones to survive the fire that had destroyed the orphanage when they were ten.

And lastly was Harry Potter. He was the true Boy-Who-Lived, and because of his brothers lies he had been shunned and mentally abused, sometimes even been left in his room (which was Gainel's second room used for storing all of his old toys) for three days without being fed or missed. Moony (Remus) and Pad foot (Sirius) had cared for him; at least, unlike his parents, they remembered his birthday and to give him attention, even if was just smiling and asking how he was. At least they had been decent. One day, when he was ten, Harry had had enough, and he left with Hedwig on his shoulder and neglect stabbing at his heart.

On a stormy and freezing night, the Rebels had found each other. They shared their secrets, their fears, their plans. They had all grown together, through the good and the bad, caring for each other. The stole to survive, but were never caught. They were The Rebellion, and damn fucking proud of it.

A black owl swooped randomly and at a top notch speed in through the window of number 12 Grimmauld Place, and out through the door opposite to it. In doing so, it dropped a letter.

Dumbledore walked over to the letter, opened it and frowned. He stroked his long silver beard, frowning even more so.

He turned to the rest of the people in the lounge room. "I cannot read this message." he said gravely.

Scribe briskly walked over to the old man, snatched the letter out f his hands and read it.

It confusingly said:

**- …. . - .-. -… . .-. - ..-. - …. . .-. …. - . -. .. -..- **

**- .- -.- . … ..- .-. . -.- - ..- …. .- …- . .-. .-.. . -. - -.- - ..-. -. - - -.. -.. . ..-. . -. -.. . .-. … - -.- - .. -. .. - -. … .- -. -.. .. .- .. .-.. .-.. -.. .-. - .-. .. -. ..-. - .-. .- …- .. … .. - …- - . - .. - . -… ..- .-. .. -. -. - …. . … …. - - .-.. -.- . .- .-. .- - …. - -. .- .- .-. - …**

**-.- - ..- .-. … … .. -. -.-. . .-. .-.. -.-**

**- …. . -. .-. . .- - -.. .- .-. -.- .-.. - .-. -..**

**.-.. - .-. -.. …- - .-.. -.. . - - .-. - **

"That bloody fuckwit!" cussed Scribe as he read the message.

"Scribe here can read thirty different languages and inscriptions," supplied Bolt proudly. "What's this one, Scribe? What does it say?"

Scribe re-read the letter to make sure he had read it properly. He swore in a cryptic language and accent that no-one, not even Dumbledore, could make out.

"It's Morse code without the sound. It says:

The Order of The Phoenix  
Back down now and I may spare your lives. Make sure you have plenty of good defenders; my minions and I will drop in for a visit during the school year at Hogwarts.

Yours sincerely  
The Great Dark Lord  
Lord Voldemort."

Fate stuck out his chin stubbornly. "We can't let that happen. We have to win this war. How are we going to defend the castle for the whole year? He doesn't sound like he's bluffing."

Everyone was silent for a few moments until Jacques and Hermione both raised their heads to speak.

"They could-" started Hermione, pushing a bit of bushy purple hair back, and Scribe followed on, but with a different start of his sentence.

"We could-"

They both finished together:

"- attend Hogwarts for the year."

Hermione and Jacques beamed at each as they had the same idea. Bolt flushed in jealousy and Ron's ears turned red and he opened his mouth to protest in envy, which looked exceptionally funny as his hair was still purple and his tongue was still glued to his teeth.

Dumbledore clapped his hands together.

"What a splendid idea! Very well done, you two. The plan is set. The Rebellion goes to Hogwarts and attends classes, while still defending the castle. Your pay will triple, my friends. Would anyone care for a lemon drop?"

Everyone rushed forward to the little plate to grab a lemon drop.

Harry decided to write a letter back to Lord Mould. He grabbed a quill from Scribe's hair and a piece of blank parchment. The Rebellion read over his shoulder as he wrote:

_Dear oh gracious Lord Mould,_

_Read this, muddle up the letters, and using them all, it will reveal our answer: _

_ The Quick Brown Fox Jumps Over The Lazy Dog._

_Yours Sincerely,_

_The Rebellion_

Hedwig took the letter.

The Rebellion had to laugh; the sentence wouldn't make any real sense; it had every letter in the alphabet in it at least once. Remembering the situation at hand, Blade backed away from the group while they watched everyone getting a lemon flavoured muggle sweet.  
_  
_Suddenly, a loud screeching noise like fingers nails being drawn down on a blackboard could be heard from behind them.

The Rebellion turned around and sighed. It was just Blade piercing a dagger down the wall.

"Hogwarts?" she cried. "Hogwarts! Why don't you just fry us up now, and serve us with chips!"

Matthew walked over to Blade and quickly massaged her shoulders soothingly. "Jesus, Blade, you're so tense! You need to calm down. School won't be _that_ bad. And think of all the first years you get to mentally scar for life!"

The prospect of murdering the innocent minds of eleven year olds seemed to calm down Kairi.

"Fine." she pouted. "But we refuse to were those tacky uniforms."

The headmaster seemed to think about it for a moment, sucking on a lemon drop.

"Deal."

"Will our pets be allowed to stay there, sir?" asked Whisper.

"It depends on what type of pets you have, boys."

"Uh," started Harry. "Well, We have my owl, Hedwig, Whisper's spider, Lucy; his doxy named Imp; Delve, his Jarvey, Grem is my snake-" he motioned to the jade eyed snake curled upon his forearm, "and finally, Lin is Blade's snake-" he gestured to the red eyed snake coiled around Blade's leg.

Lily snorted as Harry said Lin's name. everyone looked at her questioningly.

"Sorry, I just get the joke. Grem, Lin- Gremlin."

"- they were named that coz their mischievous little buggers." commented Blade dryly.

: Tell her thankyou, Harry : hissed Grem in Parsletongue.

: Ok : hissed Fate back, much to the Orders amazement.

"Grem says thankyou, Blade."

Kairi waved the compliment off with a hand movement.

"You can speak Parseltongue? How did you come across that?" asked Gainel incredulously.

Well, it kind of sounded like "Ooo 'an eek arkleton? Ow dick ooo ung acock act?", because of the prank spell, but the Rebels got the gist of what they were saying.

The Rebellion's eyes suddenly turned cold and hard as ice. The Order now understood why Lord Voldemort was apprehensive about The Rebellion. If looks could kill, the Order would be six feet under in no time.

"Yes, Fate can speak Parsletongue. But how, well, you wouldn't believe him if he told you. For that we have you to thank, Gainel." snapped Bolt in a syrup-like voice.

"Why would Gainel be the one to thank? And why wouldn't we believe Harry?" asked James. Scribe sniggered; the spell lasted longer for Gainel.

"The-Boy-Who-Lived ain't exactly the most truthful-lest wand in the holster, _father_." spat Fate. Because of Gainel's stupid lie Harry's life had fallen apart- he was always extremely touchy on the subject.

"I don't understand." said James blankly.

"We wouldn't expect you to." sneered Blade. James started to get up, but was stopped by Blade unsheathing her topaz gemmed silver sword from the hilt clamped to her bike pants.

"Stop now before you hurt yourself, mister Potter." warned Blade, enforcing the sword a little higher on James's body. "Or this sword may just slip out my hands and into your stomach."

James gulped. Blade smirked satisfactorily.

"So," started Scribe as if his friend was not threatening to kill a trained auror and scaring him to pieces, "Anyone up for a game of Blackjack?"

Bolt pouted prettily, fluttering her eyelashes pleading at Jacques. "I'll be happy to play strip poker. What about you guys?" she asked the rest of the Rebels.

"I'm in," said Blade, putting away her prized "Lacerating Baby" as she liked to call it.

"Me too," chimed in Whisper and Harry.

"Strip poker it is then," confirmed Scribe, his eyes twinkling mischievously. "Anyone else up for it?" he asked the rest of the Order.

Many of the younger members excitedly nodded their heads.

"Wait a sec, can we bring our pets, Dumbledore?" asked Matthew hopefully.

Dumbledore nodded.

"They are so in for it," whispered Fate to Sarralyn, grinning. "Sure were hot; but we also know how to play."

Harry looked up at The Order. "Did we happen to mention that we play the game in Latin?"

The Rebellion sniggered. Hogwarts better watch out; rules were…as a great pirate once stated…they were more like guidelines, than anything else.

Fate had a fair idea of who would need therapy after this Latin strip poker game.

* * *

Read? Review!


	4. Do Gooders! Oh HELL No!

Sorry for the long wait. Anyway, without further ado…

..:ooOOOoo:..

"You call this a train? I've seen better looking rats guts than this pile of fuc-"

Blade stopped short of shouting as a little girl and her mother looked over at her as she exclaimed loudly.

Blade curtsied ever-so-out of character.

"- as I was _saying_, I've seen better looking rats guts than this pile of _transportation_." She patted the train fondly. The mother and the little girl scurried away, not noticing the imprint from the bayonet that was the exact size of Blade's finger had left on the train.

Gainel, who had ran over to meet his friends (other than Hermione and Ron; they were just there to make him look smart and strategic), eyed Harry and the other Rebels nervously. One of his friends, who went by the name of Dean Thomas, if Scribe could remember correctly, went wide-eyed and yelled, so that every person in the vicinity could hear:

"Is that your _BROTHER_, HARRY POTTER, GAINEL?"

"His mummy sure taught him to use _his_ inside voice," muttered Bolt sarcastically, as many of Gainel's other friends started to wink at her, eyeing her up and down.

Whisper, who was attracting a lot of attention from a lot of females, ruffled Fate's hair as if Harry was a two year old being praised. "That be him, ain't he just a cute little tyke?"

Harry grinned; everyone on the wizarding side of the train station was staring at The Rebellion, completely silent.

"Wow!" cried Harry in mock amazement. "You all have to teach me how to do that goldfish impression. It's awesome."

"The awesomemest," chorused Bolt.

Blade stuck out her tongue at Bolt. "The awesomemest times infinity."

"The awesomemest times infinity plus one," said Whisper, playing the five year old role to perfection.

Scribe folded his arms; he knew he was going to win this argument. "The awesomemest times Google. Suck that, you can't get any higher."

Harry gave an odd cough, - and it was very odd. A prolonged cough, one could say.

"Coughwellscribe'snotanerdhewillmostcertainlynotgetintoravenclawcough."

Blade rolled her eyes. "C'mon, guys, we better get a compartment before all these twitchy little first years do."

Ron and Hermione stared in shock at the Rebellion. Weren't they meant to be super-specialised fighters? Or where they really just a bunch of fifteen year old kids who cracked sex jokes and had attitude problems?

It means: Cough scribe's not a nerd and he will most certainly not get into ravenclaw cough.

..:ooOOOoo:..

"Not one empty compartment. This can't be serious." said Fate in a defeated voice, as the Rebellion stood in the hallway of the Hogwarts Express.

"Of course this train isn't _Sirius_, Harry, _Sirius_ is a-" started Whisper, but stopped short when Blade pulled out a newly sharpened javelin from her inside secret pocket of her long-sleeved ebony coloured peplum-jacket, threatening it right under Matthew's nose.

"I swear to my sister's grave that if you make one more serious-Sirius joke, except in time of battle, I will..." Blade thought about her threat for a moment, cocking her head slightly. "Girl's think you're drop dead gorgeous, don't they? Well, I will _personally_ emphasise that point. _Drop_ _Dead_ Gorgeous."

Whisper backed away, holding his arms up in surrender. Unfortunately, he hadn't sensed that he would bang into Ron and Hermione, who too were lugging their luggage around, trying to find a non-existent empty compartment.

"Hey," said Hermione friendly as she saw who it was. "Can't you find a compartment either?"

Scribe shook his head on behalf of the group.

Ron glared at the compartment the seven of them were in front of. "Look who's in that one, only Lavender and Pavarti!" he cried, and Harry analysed the girls, taking every bit of detail that he could see from a glance. In short, they were considered to be the gossip bearers of the social chain. "You'd think they could just go sit with their other gossipy friends, instead of hogging a whole cabin to themselves…"

A light switched on in Sarralyn's head. "Easily done," she announced, and slid the cabin door open. Lavender and Pavarti immediately stopped chatting and looked up to see who had entered their cabin. Not at all surprising to Hermione, Ron and The Rebellion, the two seemed to dislike Bolt, like she was some contagious germ.

Well, Fate supposed any girls like Pavarti and Lavender would; a blonde, blemish free, skinny girl in a white tank top and red polyester hipster short-shorts was definitely considered competition before even uttering a word. And maybe they looked at Bolt a little weirdly because she had keys draped around her small waist as a belt, and several chains of multicoloured keys corkscrewed through a twist of her blonde-with-blue-tips straight hair. But hey, everyone had their weakness. Bolt's was just a talent and fondness of obscure and rare, magical and muggle keys and unlocking things. No big deal.

Bolt flipped her hair back, as if she had not noticed that she had entered unfriendly waters.

"Hey, lavender and Pavarti, right? My name's Bolt." she said, smiling a little. "Oh wow, cute hairclip." she added to Pavarti, pointing to a butterfly hairpin that looked absolutely revolting. Lavender and Pavarti seemed to warm a bit to Sarralyn after she had complimented one of them. Bolt suppressed the urge to roll her eyes; this was just way too damn easy.

"Hey, my and my friends-" she said, jerking a thumb back to Ron, Hermione and The Rebels, "really need to have a compartment, you don't think that you could, um, just sit with some of your other friends?"

Lavender narrowed her eyes. "I'm sorry bitch- oops, I mean _Bolt_. But we're not moving."

Whisper's eyes widened in fury. He was usually a very calm guy (being bisexual did have some…side effects to him, that was for sure), but if anyone offended his younger-by-two-minutes sister, well, hell hath no fury.

Lucy obediently, at her masters mind call, leapt atop of his hand. Whisper expertly threw his treasured spider into the compartment, and she landed perfectly n Lavenders hair.

Whisper promptly yelled. "Oh my God! There's a spider on your head!"

And with a mixture of screams from the two girls and fits of laughter from everyone else, the two Gryffindor's and the Rebels clambered their way into the now vacant cabin.

Once everyone was settled, Hermione sat up eager and precocious.

"Look, we haven't had much of a chance to properly introduce ourselves, Ron and me. And I would firstly like to state that we are not Gainel's lap dogs."

The Rebellion started to warm up to Hermione and Ron after she had stated about not liking Gainel that much.

"So," said Hermione, smiling a cute smile, holding out her hand for everyone to shake "I'm Hermione Granger, bookworm, Gryffindor, homework planner to the one and only Gainel Potter and Viktor Krum's kiss victim."

Bolt's eyes were bright with surprise. "You hooked up with Viktor Krum? As in the international Quidditch player? Sweet!"

Ron's ears had turned red (which hadn't been unnoticed by Harry), but he regained his composure as he too shook hands with everyone.

"Ron Weasley, second youngest child, best chess player in Hogwarts- Gainel gets me to play for him…I even beat Dumbledore once. Err, that's …about…it. Hermione's a lot more interesting than me."

Hermione's cheeks turned a little pink, but she nodded to Matthew to start his intro.

"The name's Matthew Lancer, I'm a Converser, which means I have the ability to talk to animals, and I also say the lamest jokes."

"I'm Sarralyn Lancer, Matt and I are brother and sister. I'm a lock-picker, through and through. I can undo anything, unlock anything. Comes in handy."

"Jacques Rouge, bookworm of this lot. I speak fluent French and English." Jacques directed his gaze to Hermione, and said in a sing-song voice, a la Lady Marmalade: "_Voulez vous coucher avec moi ce soir_?"

Bolt, her eyes blazing with fury, whipped her hair around so fast Ron was scared she'd gotten whiplash, and slapped Scribe right across the face.

"How _dare_ you ask her something like _that_? That is so _rude_ of you!" she screamed, while Kairi, Harry and Matthew laughed their heads off.

Hermione looked mortified, but there was laughter written in her eyes when she replied with a polite: "No thankyou, Scribe- I don't really want to sleep with you tonight."

Blade cleared her throat. "Kairi Partisian, a pleasure. Weaponry master, vile temper- I have an eight octave range." she winked roguishly.

Harry then shook Hermione and Ron's hands, grinning his usual impish grin, his eyes with the never ceasing look about them that everything was going to plan.

"Harry Potter, wielder of the Noir amulet-"

"Noir amulet?" repeated Ron, confused.

"Oh," said Harry chuckling, and revealed the black stone that was tucked, hidden inside his shirt. "It's a special magical stone…and it's never been discovered before. We were only little when we found it, so we named it Noir 'cause in French Noir means Black.

"Oh, and I didn't get to finish my little description thing! Ah, talented, handsome, sex god-"

Blade scoffed loudly, rolling her eyes.

Fate looked pitying on Blade, titling his black round glasses down his nose.

"I still think you should get your eyes checked, Blade; the way your eyes always roll around like that, you could have damaged some nerves!" said fate, in such seriousness that it was hard to tell whether he was acting or not.

"Please, Fate, you're sounding like your concerned, and quite frankly its scaring me." replied Blade dryly.

Harry put on a look of mortified hurt. "But I love you, Blay!"

"And you scare me!"

"B-But you make me complete!"

"And you make me nauseous!"

Hermione looked a little stunned.

"Are you two in love or something?"

The two "lovers" caught each other's eye and started to laugh their heads off. "No!" they both shouted.

Hermione then, losing all pretence on being stunned, suddenly cocked an eyebrow in disbelief.

"Why are you telling us all of this stuff? I'm guessing you didn't give the Order any information like this."

"No," said Scribe thoughtfully, "We didn't. But we can trust you two; you've got the right type of mind, and to put it bluntly, we need you both; we need allies, and we need friends. People who know the nooks and crannies around Hogwarts."

"So what _did_ you tell them?" inquired Ron curiously.

Whisper grinned wickedly. "It's time for one of those flashbacks, isn't it?"

The Rebellion groaned in confirmation.

-- flashback! --

"Welcome,' said Dumbledore graciously as everyone was seated, his eyes twinkling.

Blade raised her hand.

"Err, yes, Miss Partisian?" he said attentively. The Rebellion waved away the fact that he knew Kairi's last name; it was of no real importance or something to be alarmed about; they had so much more dirt on the Order.

"Well, sir, I'm not trying to be rude or anything-" Blade stopped short, seeming to mull over what she had just said. "Ok, hold up. Yes, I _do_ mean to be rude. Does that goddamn twinkling in you're eyes come with an off button?"

The Order was speechless. The Rebellion smirked.

"Look, we are not going to tell you what we do or how we do it." said Harry bluntly.

"You hired us, you follow by our conditions. We wont give you background personal information. And no, we are not animagus's. We have better ways to disguise. So as far as were concerned, this meetings over. So, we'll see you guys, ok? Be good, and if your extra _extra_ special, you might just get a cookie and some milk, kay-kay?"

With that, The Rebels swept swiftly from the room- until Lily grasped a hand on her estranged son's shoulder, spinning him around to face her. She then rapped lightly three times on the kitchen wall, which lead to an opening that the Rebellion already knew about. She quickly shoved him inside, shutting the 'door'.

Lily stared at Harry with tears in her eyes, and embraced him in a hug. Something inside Harry prickled; he couldn't remember being hugged like this from his mother much.

"Harry, I…I don't know where to begin. I've failed you as a mother. Look, James, your father…he pushed me a little to love Gainel more than you…but there's not point wasting breath blaming someone else. Harry, I know you can never truly forgive me, but I do love you…I was wondering if-if we could...start over?"

Lily said that all in a rush, wiping a tear from her eye, looking downcast, ashamed and guilty.

Harry felt a burning feeling at the back of his throat. "A-Alight…mum." he said, hugging her reassuringly.

She sniffed, ruffling his messy hair.

"You know, I'm glad I've got you're eyes," said Harry distractedly, knowing that the sentence didn't' make much sense. But Lily understood in her own way, pride glowing inside her as she saw how beautiful her Harry had grown up to be- she was much more proud of him than she could ever be of Gainel.

-- End flashback--

"…flashbacks, isn't it?" said Whisper. The Rebellion groaned in confirmation.

As soon as Harry had though back to what had happened that day, his scar suddenly burst out in pain, and Harry's usual expressionless face and body winced in pain and Harry's knees buckled over, sending him crashing to the floor.

As fast as the pain had started, it stopped.

Harry slowly pulled himself off the ground, Whisper and Scribe supporting him.

"Are you ok, Harry?" asked Bolt worriedly.

Harry took a deep breath.

"_C'était seigneur Mould. Il torturait quelqu'un_." he said in French, so Ron and Hermione didn't know what they were talking about; but, alas, Hermione gasped.

"OH MY GOD! YOU- GAINEL- YOU- YOU'RE THE BOY WHO-"

Harry quickly clasped a hand over her mouth.

"Yes," he hissed, and placed a silencing ward around the compartment to explain further to the two Gryffindor's.

..:ooOOOoo:…

"Welcome, students, to another year at Hogwarts! But before we tuck into our delicious feast, there are a few more students waiting to be sorted. They will be in fifth year, and I hope you treat them well."

Dolores Umbridge, aka the Toad Spawn Kisser, looked a little shocked; since when had Dumbledore ever said at the staff meetings so far about new fifteen year old students?

Well, as the new DADA professor, she was going to give the new students hell.

"Matthew Lancer!" called out McGonagall, and Whisper strode out, Lucy sitting faithfully on his shoulder. he supposed it didn't really add to the fact that Imp his Doxy was baring his sharp little fangs.

Whisper put on the hat with such a casual elegance that would be enviable, winking and grinning awe-worthily at students until the hat shouted out:

"RAVENCLAW!"

As the clapping died down, McGonagall cried "Jacques Rouge!"

An inch from his head, the hat immediately shouted "RAVENCLAW!"

"Sarralyn lancer!" announced the tabby-cat professor, and Bolt walked as if she was on a cat walk to the hat.

Many of the muggle-born boys, upon Bolt passing them, slipped their phone numbers into her pockets.

Bolt turned around, laughter written in her eyes.

"You know, after, what, six years of muggle education and four of wizard, you'd think you boys would realise that it really is pathetic to have you're numbers written down, pre-prepared of all things, and that you should know that mobiles don't work at Hogwarts."

The female population of Hogwarts, along with most of the males, cracked up laughing at this announcement. Bolt sat the hat smartly on her head.

The sorting hat had to mull over his thoughts before crying, once again: "RAVENCLAW!"

"Kairi Partisian!"

As soon as she had pulled the hat over her ringlets, the hat had cried "RAVENCLAW!"

Blade stood up, furious, and cried. "FUCK NO! I'm going to Slytherin, you dumb-ass hat! SLYTHERIN! SEE? I'M A BITCH, I BELONG THERE!"

And with that, Blade threw the hat away, snapping her fingers so the sorting hat caught on fire, sitting down at the Slytherin table, glaring at a few first years.

McGonagall shakily cried, unable to douse the hat; "HARRY POTTER!"

Whispers filled the hall; Harry Potter, that kid who ran away! Gainel's brother!

Harry lastly pulled on flaming hat, muttering loudly enough for everyone to here. "If she singes my hair there'll be hell to pay."

"GRYFFINDOR!" shouted the hat, to the Rebellion's amazement.

"I'M WITH THE DO-GOODERS?" cried Harry unhappily. Nevertheless, he sat down.

"Next thing you know I'll actually be listening in class." Harry mumbled, expertly chucking a piece of silverware at Gainel's head, hearing the desired _thunk_ of it hitting that idiot's thick skull.

..:ooOOOoo:..

Review please!


	5. Scowls, Pops? Well, I Never!

Rebellion Chap…5: **Scowls, Pops? Well I Never!**

Blade stormed over the Ravenclaw table in a huff, where the rest of the rebels had decided to eat, even though everyone in the rest of the hall was giving them strange looks; apparently people from different houses didn't sit on different house tables.

"So much for that unity shit that godforsaken hat was on about," muttered Whisper as he made a leaning tower of buttered toast.

Blade, as she sat down next to Harry, looked murderous, her eye twitching furiously.

"What's up?" asked Scribe, but not before adding to Matthew "Say the sky and you're dead."

Whisper muttered something along the lines of "An enchanted ceiling…" before Harry kicked him in the shin, which shut him up, rubbing his leg.

"Ok," prattled and rambled Blade, cutting her pancakes a little too harshly. " So I was in the Owlery this morning, at, oh, I don't know, five thirty or something, getting some air and shit. And then this guy walks in, going to feed his owl. I looked over, and saw this bloody beautiful owl- black feathers, _purple_ eyes. So I asked this guy what type of breed his owl was, 'cause I wanted to tell Matt about it. Then this guy goes 'Oh, uh, its just a Scottish owl.'

"And I was all, 'I mean, you don't even know the breed of your damn owl?' and he's all 'no,' all pompously. I mean, the guy gets up at five thirty to feed the bird, but he doesn't know the breed! Crazy.

So, he then asks me what I think it is. And I just snort going, "Oh, maybe, you know since it's a Scottish owl and all…maybe it's a freaking _Scowl_?"

Whisper started to laugh loudly at this statement, thinking it was hilarious.

Blade looked pained. "And then I started cursing with every swearword I know- which, you know, is a pretty wide vocab-, because I'd just said something Whisper'd be proud of. Then, oh ho, then- the guy goes 'Huh, maybe it is.'"

The Rebellion scoffed, while Fate muttered "Bloody Hufflepuff."

Harry's eyes narrowed as Gainel strutted passed, and resisted the urge to trip the arsehole over.

"Dude," remarked Bolt thickly from a mouthful of cereal, flipping her now blood red with blue streaks hair, "Chill."

Harry wandlessly summoned a fork, stabbing it into his half eaten apple.

"I swear to god, its like no wonder he doesn't have his own breakfast cereal yet!"

"What, Potter Pops?" asked Whisper absently.

The Rebellion stared at Matthew as though he was the most uber thing on the planet. In an order from Fate to Bolt to Scribe to Blade, they all voiced one sentence:

"That-"

"Was-"

"Almost-"

"Funny."

Scribe grabbed a quill from behind his ear and threatened at Whisper.

"Who are you and WHAT have you done with Matthew Lancer?"

Whisper grabbed a piece of toast from his large tower and munched on it appreciatively.

Bolt choked on her cereal, shaking with suppressed laughter.

"Holy fuck…" she muttered, massaging her throat. "Random…image…Snape…as…Where's…Wally…"

The Rebellion cracked up, and as they stopped laughing, Gainel and his lapdogs walked over. Hermione and Ron were among them, plastering on fake sneers.

The entire hall went quiet, watching the confrontation brother to brother eagerly.

A blonde boy named Draco Malfoy briskly walked over, leering at Gainel, and sitting in between Sarralyn and Kairi, saying loud enough for everyone, including the teachers to hear: " I've heard along the grapevine that you guys are pretty good, and I, like Harry, loathe Gainel. Mind passing the popcorn? This should be interesting."

Scribe, Blade and Bolt sniggered, while Whisper and Harry laughed lightly: Fate was glaring at Gainel, and Matthew was watching Ron closely, licking his lips. Bolt saw this, and made a mental note to knock some sense into her bro- Ron hadn't even kissed a chick yet, let alone…her _brother_, according to Scribe's notes.

Gainel leered at his brother, nodding towards the direction of Harry's apple in his hand.

"Good thing your starting to eat right, bro- there's more of you than there's Chin's in the Chinese phone book."

His lackeys laughed, while the Rebellion cocked eyebrows in perfect harmony.

"Wow, Gainel, do you practise that in the mirror? And don't be racist, you pig."

"Just stating the facts." said Gainel, unnerved.

Harry just cocked his eyebrow even more.

"Looks like someone got some 'tude over the years. And this-"

Harry took off his leather jacket that reached down to his ankles, (buttons all awesome and military style) lifted off his green shirt to reveal his amulet leaning gently on his toned and lightly tanned six-pack.

"-is not fat. I believe its called a six pack. Get the facts straight."

About twenty people (not all of them female) woof-whistled very loudly, eyeing his lavishly tattooed chest, which said among other things as: _Dare to be different, dare to fly; dare to be the one to touch the sky _, _Kiss My Bohemian Ass, _and, Blade's all time favourite: _Got Pumpkin Juice?_

Gainel was dumbstruck, his mouth slightly agape.

"See, _dear brother of mine_, you may have attitude," sneered, inclining his head a little, "But I got tattoos."

And with that, Harry put his shirt back on, much to the crowds objections, to which he just smirked.

..:ooOOOoo:..

"Mr Potter! I have called your name at least a dozen times and yet you still don't answer! Detention!"

Harry's book suddenly combusted in his anger, but that was just for show.

"Jesus fucking Christ, Professor Umhag…Umbogan… Umbridge, whatever- you could at least specify! There's two Mr Potter's in here, if you had bothered to count. Or even check the goddamn roll!"

"That's it!" shrieked Umbridge shrilly. "A week of detention!"

Fate snorted. "I'm dying, please, stop. It hurts."

Toad Spawn Kisser's (aka Um…hag…) eyes narrowed 'dangerously'.

"I see your just like you attention seeking brother, Mr Potter. So do you believe that He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named is back, too?"

Fate stuck out his stubbornly. "Yeah. Gotta problem with it, Umbitch?"

_**- Flashback-**_

How the hell Harry got here, he had no idea. All he could see was his useless lump of his brother sprawled on the ground, crying of a slightly sprained ankle, and a dead sixteen year old…Cedric Diggory! Before someone tied him to a gravestone one handed (the guy only had one fucking and the served limb was still bleeding!) and slashed both Harry' wrists mercilessly and deeply in one quick swipe.

The one handed due dumped some useless rags into a big cauldron, and Harry contemplated how he'd gotten here.

The Rebellion had been, as usual, in a really big lavish hotel in the expensive part of England. They'd been doing some under cover work for some distant member of the royal family who needed some digging done, so they got a place to stay.

Harry had woken up with a throbbing - what he though was a headache- which he now realised was his scar giving him hell, and had thrown up a few times, but hadn't felt nauseated. Fate now guessed that they were warning signs about whatever ritual this one handed dude, which he now (God, he was just realising EVERTHING now, huh?) REALISED was Wormtail, the traitorous bastard of a prick….

So, you know, then using Harry's blood blah blah blah Lord Mould returned to power, and Harry duelled. Gainel was just watching, and while the battle was going on (snaps for Harry- he got Voldie right in the eye with a quick conjunctivus!) he snuck away, grabbing Diggory's body and going back to Hogwarts on that Portkey.

Harry used a hell of a lot of power from his Noir Amulet to suddenly appear (the royal guy had put anti apparation wards along the hotel, utter sod)back into the Rebels room. When he summoned enough magic to do so and fell hard onto the floor, and Bolt, Blade, Scribe and Whisper huddled around him, screaming at him, then claming down and healing the slashes and bruises, Fate went into a crazy feverish ft thing and blacked out for three days.

Seriously. The amulet was only to be used in desperation. They had found out once Harry was back on his feet that the amulet was just screaming dark, evil, black magic, and those with good intentions (for once in his life Harry wished he was a sadist evil bastard) who had enough destiny and strength to wield it, could wield, but suffer some dire side-effects, such as nearly dying; the usual.

Honestly, all evil things ended in death. What gives?

So, then, the Rebellion had later on learned that Gainel had soaked up all the glory and proclaimed that he duelled with Lord Mould and all that jazz.

Git.

So, yeah, Harry did have a pretty good feeling about believing Lord Mould was back. But that didn't mean that he believed .his brother, now did it?

_**- End flashback-**_

"Do not use that language with me, young man." leered Umbridge.

"Fine, Umfemaledog." Harry actually smacked himself on the head. "Whisper, man, your pissed-up jokes are rubbing off on us! Dude, stop it!" he snapped at Matthew, who was shooting flirty looks at all the girls…and Seamus Finnegan. Honestly, he never liked one guy for long. Nor any girl, for that matter.

But hey- nobody was perfect.

"So," started Harry conversationally turning his attention back to Umbridge. "You don't believe that When-I-Grow-Up-I-Wanna-Be-An-Evil-Sadistic-Bald-Twerp-So-People-Will-Be-Too-Scared-To-Use-My-Name-So-They'll-Have-To-Resort-To-Using-Something-Long-With-Loads-Of-Hyphens-In-It is back from the 'dead', eh?"

It took Umhag a few moments to think over what Fate had just said (well, that sentence was mighty long).

"No. But that doesn't change the fact that you'll still be having a week worth of detentions, Mr Potter." snapped Umbridge, changing the subject.

"Wait, we'll bargain for it. Have you ever played I Never?"

Umbridge chewed on her tongue before answering a small, reluctant, "Yes."

"Blade, please bring out the Firewhiskey."

Blade lugged a huge bottle of Firewhiskey from her shoulder bag onto the teachers desk.

Harry quipped his eyebrows. "Ready to play?"

Umbridge nodded quietly.

"Ok," said Harry, uncapping the alcohol fondly. "I never…"

..:ooOOOoo:..

"DUDE, YOU GOT HER DRUNK!"

That was the last thing Harry heard before two identical guys with a mop of red hair clambered over him in the great hall, tackling him to the ground.

Harry wandlessly threw the Weasley twins off him, groaning. "Ok, I got her drunk, but Jesus, it took three whole large bottles! I mean, _I _don't get drunk off that amount-"

Hermione was about to scoff at this 'outrageous' statement, but Harry was standing straight and his words weren't slurring. He really wasn't drunk, just the teeniest bit tipsy (but you could hardly notice. Harry noticed this and grinned sheepishly before he climbed up the stairs to go to bed.

"Just don't hire a marching band for the morning and I'll be fine." he joked before disappearing to bed, out of sight from all of the excited Gryffindors.

..:ooOOOoo:..

Harry quietly stole one of Blade's daggers from her bedside (she had decided to sleep in), leaving a note saying as to why he was taking it:

_Going To Kill Gainel. _

_He Hired Marching Band._

_Regards -forget I said regards- Fate._

Oh yes, Gainel Potter, in one way or another ( for either a) hiring a marching band or b) lying about being the Boy Who Lived) would be getting what was coming to him, very, very soon.

* * *

Review! 


	6. You Can't Handle The Truth!

**Author's Note: **Be prepared for backflash flashbacks, pig latin, angst and serenading protagonists.

* * *

"POTTER!" roared Snape, and Harry slowly rose from his almost asleep slumped position on the desk. Today in potions they were taking notes.

Which meant, today in potions, Harry was sleeping.

Snape looked livid. Fate really had to admire the guy; brilliant at acting. Everything was going to plan.

_(Cue evil cackle) _

Between nightly burst of random little….pain things that Lord Mould kept sending Harry through his scar, figuring the best time to just go and kiss Ginny Weasley (Ron was always there, goddamnit!), Harry didn't get much sleep.

The only good thing that had happened since Gainel had hired the marching band was that he suffered a minor concussion, confused as to why the hilt of a sword kept bashing him on the head repeatedly, when no-one was wielding the goddamn sword. Gainel knew that it must have been his brother, for Harry's _fine_ looking friend…Blade or something, owned the sword and man bashing hilt in question.

Of course, when this had come to the attention of Fudge-

Ok, maybe this isn't being explained properly. See, going to Dumbledore wasn't good enough for Gainel- he was the man who had brought his bloody brother back into his once peaceful, happy life, after all. Gainel wanted to get back at Harry and Dumbledore. That way, if he complained to the minister, Harry and his 'rebels' would have to be sent home packing. Gainel snorted. They probably lived in a dumpster.

So, in the words of Whisper: _Holy chocolate starfish, dude, it's like, a flashback back flash!_

**Flashback Back flash**

Scribe flicked through the mail that'd been delivered privately to them as they ate breakfast, occasionally sniggering at the concussed Gainel.

"Bill," Scribe complained, sifting through the letters, "Key Weekly-" Bolt squealed and snatched the magazine from Jacques hands, "Bill, Letter from Snape, Bill, Bill, Bill- Ok, someone _seriously_ screwed up the mail system- who the _hell_ is Bill Yamak?"

"A Letter from Snape?" asked Blade greedily, eyeing the letter. "Maybe it's his reply!"

"Why the hell would he be writing to us if it wasn't a reply?" asked Whisper.

"He could be asking for another favour," reasoned Fate, remembering the last time they'd seen Snape.

_..::ooO Flashback backflash within a flashback backflash Ooo::.._

The Rebellion had been staying in where they usually stayed- a big fancy hotel, including free mini bar- you couldn't get any better. Most people guessed that the Rebels lived in places like dumpster's and garbage trucks. Psshaa, yeah right!

"So, if you could please stop Mr Malfoy Jr from joining the Death Eaters, it would save my skin from Dumbledore," said Snape, looking at the Rebels intently.

A fourteen almost fifteen year old Harry stared right back at his Dad's arch enemy, a small smile playing on his lips.

"You care about Draco, don't you, Severus?"

Snape looked dumbfounded. "I-I-"

Scribe smirked. "Any excuse is a good excuse, Severus. But it's how you deliver it. You may be able to fool two of the greatest wizards of all time, but you can't fool us."

Snape sighed. "You've got me," he muttered, raising his palms in defeat. "So, you'll do it then?"

Bolt, who was in the middle of unlocking a ten billion year old Egyptian pure gold prism (It should take her about another ten minutes to fully unlock it), looked up. "Sure, but as long as one day we can ask for a favour back."

"So it's defiantly a deal?"

"Deal, Mr Snape."

_..::ooO End flashback backflash within a flashback backflash Ooo::.._

Harry read the letter quickly, grinning broadly.

_Dear Rebels,_

_I have chosen to accept your mission. You will be sent from the class at approximately 2:00 in the afternoon. We will have to see whether the Weasley twins hold up the end of the deal, though._

_Good luck with the Weasley girl, Potter._

_Yours in benevolence , _

_Severus Snape._

Another two owls swooped down, landing next to Harry.

Blade opened the first one, and read it out in German, so no-one (Dumbledore was mysteriously missing from the head table this morning) could understand them.

In English, it said:

_Dear Ickle-Rebellie-kins,_

_Harry-kins, it is our greatest pleasure that you have fallen for our sister. We'd tell you this, (we are sitting opposite you) but we'd be overheard. Our little brother Ron and Ginny in question both have extendable ears. Thanks for the idea about them, by the way!_

_So, as we were saying (well, writing), we are happy that a strapping young man like you Harry (at this Harry had the grace to blush while Bolt and Whisper laughed) has become besotted with our baby sister. _

_The Garrotting Gas will be placed in her classroom, and we will personally hypnotise her (using our new **Hypno-gum**- we've given her some this morning- Gum is one of her weaknesses) just like you planned. Hope Snape keeps the end of his deal, though._

_Pleasure doing business, and thanks for promoting our products in Australia! There's this semi-muggle school in a place called Ballina that is going crazy for our Self-Doable Homework._

_Cheers!_

_Gred and Forge. _

Bolt snatched up the other letter, glaring at the scroll hoping to burn a hole through it as she read it out in Latin:

_Dear Mr Potter,_

_I will be expecting, along with the Minister For Magic, your parents, godfather, Remus, and brother, you and the rest of the Rebellion to be in my office in ten minutes to discuss a matter of a man bashing hilt that occurred this morning. It seems your brother informed the Minister of your presence. And, truth be told, neither your mother nor your father (but more your mother- you two did come to an agreement, no?) seem to happy about it. _

_Sincerely, Albus Dumbledore._

_PS. The password is Hypno-Gum._

Blade groaned. "That man knows way too much for his own good. Honesty- Hypno-Gum? He's…crazy."

Malfoy suddenly (to everyone else, bar the Rebels, who saw him sneak up behind them) along with Hermione and Ron, who had read the letter over Sarralyn's shoulder, spoke up.

"You're meeting Fudgey? Your brother really has it in for you," smirked Draco.

"You know what we need? T-Shirts." said Whisper randomly. "Then we could start the I Hate Gainel Club."

Hermione suddenly brightened at this idea. "Ooh, that would be great! We could have badges!"

Scribe cocked an eyebrow. "Are you serious? - _don't even think about it Whisper!"_

Hermione in turn raised her eyebrow. "No, that would be stupid. I was merely being caustic."

"Ok," agreed Harry, and snatched up his letters, minimizing them and shoving them into his pocket. "So, we better go to this thing. You guys coming? It'll be fun, Fudge won't know what hit him." he asked of Hermione, Ron, and Draco.

Hermione looked from Ron to Draco, who shrugged, smiling at them (Ron scowled at this) and they all nodded…bar Ron, who was still glowering.

The all got up, and trudged their way to Obsessive-Lemon-Drop-Lover's office.

_At Dumbledore's office…_

"So, Mr Potter," said Fudge intimidatingly (Lavender's neon butterfly hairclip would have been more intimidating), "You think by marching back into your families lives after abandoning them for the past five or so years, giving your dear brother a minor concussion, you'll, what? Get some attention?"

Harry spied Gainel's smirk, Dumbledore sucking on a lemon drop, his eyes on twinkle-overdrive, James (much to Harry's surprise) rolling his eyes (Harry would have to speak to him later…), Sirius and Remus engaging in a thumb war (which looked very odd as Sirius was posing as Snuffles- they knew, like the Rebels, what Harry was about to do), The Rebellion avoiding everyone's eyes (Bolt worked on her ten billion year old prism still) and Lily smacking herself repeatedly on the forehead, muttering "I've created a monster and his name is Gainel," in Italian (Who knew she spoke Italian, ay?), Hermione, Draco and Ron watching the scene with keen interest and Harry knew what he had to do.

Fate summoned all of his courage, all of his will power, dignity and intelligence… and fell down onto his knees, bawling his eyes out and sobbing into the minister's robes.

"It's true," he wailed hopelessly, "It's all _true! _I just- Gainel always got the attention, he was so much more smarter than me, so much better than me- and-and-and-"

Then Harry 'couldn't' wail any longer and just completely broke down, tears running freely and blowing his nose with the Minister's bowler hat, to which Fudge screamed like a little girl.

He snatched up the hat, dusted off his robes and stalked out through the fire, disgusted.

"He's gone," said James, and Harry looked up, immediately ceasing his crying.

"Thought he'd never leave," muttered Harry, to which his Dad actually grinned.

There was an awkward pause in which they exchanged glances and everyone quietly shuffled out of the office, even Dumbledore. Sirius had to tackle Gainel, who was looking at his Father in complete disbelief, to lob him out of the office, but when everyone had left, James cleared his throat gauchely.

"Guess I never gave you enough credit, son."

Harry suddenly hardened. "Guess you didn't."

"I guess I owe an, err, apology then?"

"I guess you do."

James ducked his head in shame, and Harry just stared at him icily, not blinking.

"I'm sorry, then."

"Good for you," snapped Harry. "But it's not going to change anything. What's in the past stays in the past, _father_." Harry spat. "True, you never gave me attention, but I didn't care about that. At least mum let me know that she loved me! You- you just totally ignored me! Do you know how much that _hurt_- to see that your own father doesn't love you! I can hardly call you _father_!"

James started to mutter something incoherent, but Harry wasn't finished.

"No, _fuck_ _you_, I'm not fucking finished, _okay_? Hmm, lets take a sarcastic note and say something that would never happen- what if _I_ was the Boy Who Lived, hmm? Would have you shunned Gainel? Are you just so caught up in your precious son's fame that you can't even see that he's a complete failure! He can't even spell failure, god damn it!"

"Well I'm sorry, okay? I did and I do love you! I'm sorry I never showed it! I just didn't want- oh hell, I don't know! My own father failed me and never gave me a chance and I just wanted to give Gainel that chance too! I guess I just-"

"_FORGOT ABOUT ME_?" Harry screamed. "How the _fuck_ can you forget about your own _fucking_ son, _huh?_"

"I DON'T KNOW!" screamed back James, tears running down his face, but seemed to not care. "I know sorry will never be good enough but you've got to believe me when I say I truly do love you!"

Harry's breath caught in his throat.

"You really mean that? Your not just saying it?" he asked coldly.

"I _do_, Harry. I _do_ love you."

**End Flashback Backflash**

..::ooOOOoo::..

And that's how the morning had started and ended. Pretty dramatic, but Harry finally got his daily screaming out of the way. He felt good, lighter. He's won his dad's love, wiped his snot all over the minister's hat and he was about to win the beautiful Ginny Weasley's heart.

Just as Snape was looking absolutely livid (once again, Harry had to admire the man's brilliant acting), Gainel smirking that something was finally going good for him today, Blade randomly yelled in Pig Latin:

"Atefay, Hetay uitargay siay eadyray otay ogay. Oodgay ucklay!"

Which, translated into English is:

_Fate, the guitar is ready to go. Good luck!_

Harry inwardly smiled. Everything was ready to go.

"Kairi," snapped Snape, not bothering to use her last name, "Detention."

Blade merely scoffed, playing with a ringlet of her hair and proudly said: "_Merci_, Professor."

Snape ignored her. "So, Mr Potter, would you kindly tell us what the infusion of wormwood, lavender, mothballs and cooking sherry makes?"

Harry just looked at Snape quizzically. "I don't know, Professor Trelawney's shampoo?"

Snape pointed towards the door (apparently he'd been having a bad day today).

"Out," he whispered furiously, and Harry grabbed his books and walked out of the classroom, smirking.

On his way out, he heard Ron mutter to Sarralyn, "Snape is such a jerk,"

But Bolt must of shook her head, for she muttered back:

"No, I've met worse. Last eyra, we went to school in Germany for a while, and there was this teacher there that couldn't speak English very well. He gave Harry a detention, and told him to be there or be triangular."

Whisper overheard this, finding it very comical, and started to laugh his attractive head off.

..::ooOOOoo::..

Ginny Weasley walked the corridors of Hogwarts, not exactly knowing why she was walking this way- but oh well. Fred and George must have put the Garrotting Gas in her classroom- unless someone else had bought it off them.

Suddenly, she heard the strumming of a guitar and a beautiful voice singing- it was a male's voice.

_(Insert Lyrics)_

Curious to see who it was, Ginny followed the entrancing music.

_(Insert Lyrics)_

She saw the room it was coming from and headed in. It was Harry Potter singing, lost in the lyrics, just as Ginny seemed to be. He caught her breath away. It was so…perfect.

_(Insert Lyrics)_

Harry 'suddenly' spotted Ginny and stopped singing, looking away shyly. Just as predicted, Ginny melted right then and there.

"Hey, Harry." she said quietly.

"Hey," he answered back.

And two hours later, Harry Potter could proudly say that he'd hooked up and was now going out with the hottest girl in the school, Ginny Weasley.

..::ooOOOoo::..

"I have to hand it to you, Fate," said Scribe, ruffling Harry's hair, "You've got a nice singing voice."

"Aww, shucks," joked Fate, pretending to blush.

Dumbledore suddenly walked up to the rebels, who were in the Slytherin common room. (password courtesy of Draco and Blade).

"Death eaters," he announced seriously to them, making sure no-one could hear. "But Voldemort's not with them. Their in the Great Hall. We need you to get rid of them, now."

"We'll need a distraction," said Blade, already gearing up with all of her twenty-something bayonets and daggers.

Harry immediately looked towards Matthew, who grinned.

"I'm on it."

..::ooOOOoo::..

The Rebels hid discreetly behind the Head Table, eyeing the backs of the Death Eaters with expert caution. Whisper was in the middle of distracting them.

Needless to say, it was working.

"So, there was this guy and he called in sick to work for two days straight. His boss finally rang him up on the third day and asked what was wrong…" he was saying, occasionally doing some comical stances, as stand up comedians do.

Harry got out his Noir Amulet, summoning some power. He threw a few protective spells over Bolt as she re-applied some cherry red lipstick and checked to make sure her mini skirt was short enough. She would be the second distraction. Blade was silently sharpening her prized Lacerating Baby sword while Scribe was mapping out the correct time and route for Bolt to walk a la model out to distract the men who 'Ate Death'.

"…and the guy said he was really sick. So then the boss goes "When I'm sick, I usually fuck my wife." The guy goes "I'll give it a go, thanks, Boss." then the next day the guy comes into work, all better. The boss goes "So, I'm guessing my remedy worked?" and the guy goes, "Yeah, nice place you've got, by the way.""

Some of the Death eaters had to hold back laughter while the others seemed to get even angrier, clenching their wands tightly.

Bolt suddenly sprang forth and started to flirt with all of the Death Eaters, making sure to stick out her boobs and act all innocent, successfully diverting Lord Mould's minions.

Then out of nowhere (or so it seemed) Blade, fate and Scribe, all carrying weapons

Thus the duel started.

Rebounding the Cruciatus curse with his silver scimitar, Scribe sidestepped another killing curse sent his way before wrenching off the offending Death Eater's mask to reveal Bellatrix Lestrange with his scimitar. He then conjured binding ropes from his wand tip, bounding and gagging Bella, throwing her across the room to where The Order was watching at the ready if the Rebellion needed any help.

Which, at the moment, they did not.

Blade fought the urge to stab the Death eater before her with her Lacerating Baby, but instead parried off an offending imperius curse, hitting a pressure point with the tip of her pocket size bayonet on the man's neck, paralysing him for a what would be a good two hours. Pivoting off the man's immobilized corpse, she ruthlessly chucked him over to the Order (where Hermione, Draco, Ron, Gainel etc etc were also situated).

Bolt recklessly hit Wormtail's spinal nerves easily with some of Blade's minute hand made tomahawks. (Blade wouldn't let Bolt have her Poleax, another prized sword of the armourer) Permanently damaging the man, she decided to let him gently float over to Remus, Lily, James and Sirius were all looking particularly murderous this evening.

Whisper easily with a flick of his wand a threat of Blade's newly acquired Claymore bounded and gagged three Death Eaters (Crabbe Snr, Goyle Snr and Nott Snr), very pleased with himself. Not only had showed up some Death Eaters, but had said a funny joke!

Finally, there was one Death Eater left; Lucius Malfoy. Draco turned away, not caring if his father died. Actually, he rather hoped he would. He'd told this to Harry once or twice, so Harry knew that he was able to kill the aristocrat freely.

Harry wrenched off the Death eater mask using his Rapier, stabbing the man two or three times lightly in the arm, drawing a tiny bit of blood from each cut.

Dumbledore suddenly stepped behind Harry, raising his hands for quiet.

"Why are you here, Lucius?" he asked of the wounded man.

"We are to bring the Chosen One to his Lordship." said Lucius in monotone. So Harry's rapier had a little bit of Veritserum on the top that happened to hybrid with the man's blood…

"You will not be taking Gainel tonight, Lucius."

Lucius just laughed. "Gainel? He is not the Chosen One, even he knows that. We have known since the downfall of my Master the first time that the prophesized brat was Harry Potter. Isn't that right, Harry?"

"Thankyou, Mr Malfoy." he said slippery, sneering at the pathetic man. "You have done my job for me. Well, I guess we better be going. Oh wait, did I say _we_? I meant _you_."

And with that, Harry raised his rapier, summoning a high magnitude of Noir amulet magic onto the blade, making it invincible before pivoting on one foot three times, then plunging the rapier into Lucius, slaying him with one stab. It would have taken him a few stabs to effectively kill Lucius otherwise

The Noir Amulet had created a strong aura of Dark Magic around him; more than Harry had expected it to. He could feel himself slipping from consciousness as the good in him fought off the evil necromancy. Killing was not what the good were meant to do. The Noir Amulet made sure that those good who did evil would repent for their…sins. Dark Magic was purely dark and evil that way.

Wrenching the sword from the bloodied corpse, covered in blood and guts himself, Harry turned to Gainel, swaying slightly, his vision slowly but surely becoming obscured by darkness.

"What goes around comes around, _dear_ brother," he said loud enough for everyone to hear, glaring at Gainel before the darkness seeped over and into him, and he thought no more.

* * *

Read? Review!  
**PS.** I just love that song that Harry sung! The words used in those lyrics are just so deep and meaningful!  
**PPS. **It was originally Iris by Goo Goo Dolls but the 'no songfic' rule on quickly came to my attention.  
**PPPS.** I think I like it better this way.


	7. Plot Twist!

**Author's Note: **Updated 2/10/10.

* * *

Harry opened his eyes, keeping his face blank as he did so. He would no show the pain he was going through to anyone but the Rebels. Stupid fucking dark Noir Amulet- Fate felt as he was laying on bed of daggers, poison seeping through his veins. He struggled to sit up, but did so anyways.

He closed his eyes and gritted his teeth through the pain and head-spin he had just received. As far as he could sense by their body heat, there was only four people in the room-curtain thing that he was enclosed within.

_(PS. He was in the hospital wing.)_

Fate gave an appreciative groan. His rebels were in the room.

A feminie voice suddenly screamed.

"_Harry_! You mother fucking little dick-wit! You should not have used the Noir Amulet, you mother fucking-garrhh! GAH! You bloody sod, I could rip you limb from limb! You guarded the whole fucking Great fucking Hall with your magic- and you've been unconscious for three days! Fucking hell, you scared us!"

Another less harsh female voice suddenly spoke.

"Harry, we were so worried about you!" this one sounded like she was crying. "Please don't ever do that again!"

"He promised that last time," a male voice pointed out smartly.

"Yeah, dude, you gotta keep your promises, man!"

Harry snapped open his eyes, a grin on his face. He loved it when his friends were upset. They subconsciously traded personalities.

Bolt became a gore-loving maniac that knew more swearwords than a sailor. Blade became a soft hearted little innocent angel that could break into tears if you poked her. Whisper became all strategic and smart and stated the facts, while Scribe used slang and said horrible jokes to try and cheer everyone up.

As he opened his eyes, he was plagued with eight limbs or so trying to grab a piece of him to hug.

"Hello to you too," Harry whispered thickly, trying not to scream out in pain.

The Rebels noticed Harry tense slightly, and let go, regaining their usual composure.

"Harry," scolded Blade brutally. "That pain is your fault. By the way, nice use of that sword I gave you- you wielded it fairly well. You need to use more force when swinging it at seventy-five degrees though, it was a weak move- no offence…"

"Yes, oh wise one," remarked Harry dryly, still grimacing in pain.

Scribe sighed in defeat, rolling his eyes. Harry didn't miss the quick glance towards Bolt, his eyes sparkling with notion. "Whisper, get me a quarter cup of pixie dust, half an ash winder egg shell and some baking soda." he commanded of Matthew.

Whisper saluted, running to get the ingredients, shooting a look from Scribe to his sister, which Bolt didn't notice. He hadn't missed the look either. Yet Bolt had…

Something was wrong.

Harry's eyes widened slightly, playing along. "What are you up to, Jacques?"

"Making the pain go away," he replied brusquely. "That matron knows _nothing_."

"True," agreed Bolt. "She tried to fix our cuts healing salve. Everyone knows that doesn't help, just brings down the stinging."

"You mean _we_ know that," corrected Scribe, his mouth open and brow cocked in suspicion.

"Aren't we everyone?" asked Bolt, giggling.

Blade moved so fast Harry almost didn't see her. She drew her foil that she normal used for fencing from her black belt and whacked Bolt over the head, knocking the girl unconscious.

"Who is she?" asked Harry sharply, glaring at the Bolt-impostor, catching onto Blade's motives quickly.

Scribe got out his wand, pointing at the girl. "Honestly…healing salve is the stuff that _does_ work. _Revealus Imposterus_!"

The girl morphed from a blue haired beauty to…_Ginny_ _Weasley_.

Fate got up out of the bed, despite his muscles screaming in protest.

Scribe came back, supporting the real Bolt- she had a deep gash down her leg, which would not support her weight.

Whisper and Scribe helped onto a sitting position on the end of Harry's bed.

"I don't understand…"she said, confused. "Don't the Order trust us, or something? You'd think they wouldn't hurt one of us!" she cried, pointing towards her bleeding leg. "That little bitch, she cut me, god damnit!"

"We would never hurt you," came the shocked voice of Albus Dumbledore who appeared out of nowhere with the rest of the Order.

Of course, The Rebellion knew the Order had been there the whole time. Their plan was going well.

Whisper went down to the unconscious Ginny, wrenching her sleeve up to reveal the Dark Mark. He then turned to Bill Weasley.

"We sussed out your sister, as promised. We'll discuss payment later, I presume." he stated steadily.

Bill regarded the Rebellion gravely, his memory flicking back to when he had called on the them to help…

_**Flashback Backflash**_

_"Mr Weasley…" Harry had graciously sated, despite the late hour. Tomorrow the would make their big dramatic appearance at Grimmauld Place._

_"Please, it's Bill…Mr Potter. Nice earring, by the way." the handsome young man winked at the fifteen year old._

_"It's Harry, then - nice earring yourself - one of a kind, Hungarian Horntail tooth?"_

_"Yes."_

_"Wrong. The man you bought it from told you wrong; I myself have three from the same man. He has been dealt with for you. Here is your refund." said Harry pleasantly, handing the man his money._

_Bill accepted, looking at the fifteen year old quizzically. "Err…thanks. You scare people like this often?" he joked._

_"Aye," said Blade. "Ye be a bright wizard. It's Kairi or Blade." she said, introducing herself. "I'm afraid it's only us two; the other Rebels are doing Merlin knows what. We are sorry for any inconveniences."_

_"That's fine," Bill assured them. "Now, to business."_

_"Yes."_

_"My sister, Ginny, she's fourteen- she's been acting odd. No-one has noticed. She's very close to me. I need you to get close to her, anyway possible. Make sure her alliance is with the Order. And reveal her in anyway possible. One that Voldemort will overlook if her allegiance truly lies with the bastard."_

_"You believe Lord Mould has got her?" asked Harry sharply._

_"Well, yes."_

_"Very well. As one of our companions Whisper would say at a time like this: Consider your sister suss material."_

_**End flashback backflash**_

Bill rummaged through his saddlebag that he always carried around with him.

"Your pay, as promised. Five dragon riding licenses."

The Rebellion grinned. "Excellent."

"Another job well done, guys!" crowed Harry.

Abruptly Lily and James stepped forward, James clearing his throat.

Harry waited with bated breath.

"We're sorry, Harry."

Harry just looked surprised.

"Ok. You by sorry. Have fun with that. Send me a postcard from Sorry-land, will you?" he quipped wittily.

"Harry?" asked Lily.

"Yes," he replied.

"Come to our house tonight- we'll all have family dinner."

Harry thought about it before nodding.

"But on one condition…Mum…"

Lily never looked so happy. "Really? I mean, sure, of course, um, yes…anything…"

Harry stared straight at his mother, and motioned towards the Rebels.

"My one condition being that I bring my family too."

Harry inwardly grinned.

Come tonight, dinner would never be looked by his parents and Gainel the same way.

_Excellent_, Harry thought. _Let the Rebelling ensue. _

* * *

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	8. A Dinner Date With Fate!

**Author's Note**: In case the plot twist confused you, Ginny was posing as Bolt so she could do some evil stuff to the Rebellion, but the Rebels were one step ahead of her. Phwoar.

**Warnings: **References to fangirls thinly disguised as OC's lie within. I have gotten rid of the ignorant stuff.

* * *

"Whisper, have you seen my blue skirt?"

"The mini one, or the mini-mini one, Bolt?"

"The mini one! Have you seen it?"

"No!"

"Then why'd you ask?"

"…Because I like to waste time?"

"Wrong answer, young grasshopper."

"How was that a wrong answer, Blade?"

"Never mind, you idiot. Scribe, chuck us my black evening dress!"

"Whoops, sorry, Harry, I have such bad aim, that wasn't meant to land on your head…!"

"Or _was_ it? _Duh-nuh-nuh, nuh-nuh-nuh_!"

"Hush, Whisper, your joketh be lameth-"

"And so was that, Fate."

"Hush to you too, Blade. Here's your dress, by the way..."

"Thanks!"

Five minutes later…

"I, Fate, leader of the Rebellion, would proudly like to announce that we have scrubbed up nicely."

And that was very true. The Rebels had deciding to dress as appropriately as possible.

Bolt was wearing a black halter top that reached just above her stomach and a mini azure coloured skirt Sarralyn's hair was white blond with bright blue streaks for the night. Whisper had his sandy blonde hair out in a straight casual style, flopping over his eyes. Blade was wearing a low cut black evening dress, black and red boots. Her make up was predictably ….wait for it, wait for it…._black_, with stage scarlet lipstick and big crimson hoop earrings. Scribe had his short brown mullet out tonight, the usual array of quills and scrolls missing (they were in his pocket). Jacques was sporting a skin tight white sleeved top, showing off his well-built physique. He was wearing black khakis; a black beret and dragon hide boots. And lastly, Fate had donned a pair of black-onyx coloured jeans, a green tee that said _My Mum Thinks I Look Cute In This T-Shirt._

Harry turned to face the rest of the Rebellion in the Ravenclaw dormitory where they'd decided to get ready.

"Now, one more thing before we go," he told them, giving a dramatic pause. "We will not be swearing tonight."

The Rebellion gasped, while Blade got out her revolver and pointed it at her temple.

"-N-No-Swear-ing-?" choked Blade. Harry nodded firmly.

Blade tightened her grip on the firearm. She then stated dramatically,

"_This is thy sheath, there rust and let me d_-"

But before she could finish, Whisper had jumped her and tackled her to the ground.

"Just because you can't cuss violently doesn't mean your life is over, Kairi! There's no need to resort to recite Shakespeare! Get a grip- and _not on a gun or weapon of any sort, either_!"

Blade sighed. "Fine, but what happens if we need to swear?"

"We just say git or sod or…_twit_." Suggested Scribe, and the group gave a collective shudder.

"If by some chance someone turned this into a fan fiction of some sort, then their readers would know that next chapter the swearing will be truned on." Said Whisper extremely randomly.

"What the…heck?" screamed Blade. " Gah! Fate, you're torturing us! Why can't we swear?" she aske, almost in tears.

Harry smiled. "I want to see how long we can last."

The Rebels looked forlorn.

Bolt suddenly brightened. "So, are we ready to go?"

The Rebels nodded.

"Ok," said Harry, "Let's make this night go as quickly as possible…then, once dinner's over….clubbing!"

The Rebellion grinned evilly.

..::ooOOOoo::..

_Knock-Knock-Knockity-Knock._

A precise five second pause.

_Knock-Knock-Knockity-Knock_.

Another five second break.

_Knock-Knock-Knockity-Knock._

See above for details.

_Knock-Knock-Knockity-Knock._

One second, two second, three second pause-

_Knock._

"Whisper, you…_git_! You ruined the creepy knocking sequence!"

"Thankyou, Captain Obvious!"

"Ugh, I hate when you say that, Whisper!"

"I wouldn't have had to say it if Blade hadn't pointed it out, Fate!"

"Stop fighting you…_sods_!"

"Sods? Honestly, Bolt."

"Scribe, you sounded like Hermione Granger, there"

"I don't like Hermione much-"

"That's coz you're jealous of her coz Scribe likes her, Sarralyn."

"I am not jealous, Whisper! Besides, I don't like Scribe that way anymore…we broke up like three months ago, remember?"

"Oh yeah…Hey, Scribe, why didn't you say you didn't like Hermione? _Unless…_ hey, where did that boy go?"

"Yeah, where is Scribe?"

"He was here like five seconds ago."

"Again with the obvious, Kairi!"

"If you tell me I'm obvious one more time I will get your head, smother it in butter-"

"Hey-"

"- Add a pinch of salt-"

"-Guys, now that Scribe has miraculously returned-"

"-Throw in a few alfalfa seeds, just for flavour-"

"-Maybe we should-"

"Boil it, kill you, bring you back to life-"

"-Should, you know-"

"-And then kill you again so I can see the pain you suffer."

"ARE YOU QUITE DONE, BLADE?"

"Oh, yes, Harry, do carry on with what you were saying…"

Harry sighed, ruffling his hair. "As I was saying… 'Hey, guys, now that Scribe has miraculously returned, maybe we should, should you know, knock again. Maybe they didn't hear us."

"Sounds like a plan," piped up Bolt.

Harry grinned. "Ok, good."

_Knock-knock-knockity-knock._

Guess how long they waited for.

_Knock-Knock-knockity-knock._

Turn this webpage upside down for answers. Entries close December…

_Knock-Knock-Knockity-Knock._

"So, do you like Hermione, Scribe?"

"WHISPER!"

As Scribe knocked again, he had the grace to blush.

"Oh my- hey, if we say 'God' in vain, would that be classified as swearing, Harry?" asked Blade, twirling her hair as she thought.

"It would be blasphemous, but…ugh…I dunno." Replied Fate. "Hey, the door's unlocked; maybe we should just barge in."

"Wouldn't that be rude?" questioned Bolt. "And Scribe, so you do like Ms Know It All, ay?"

Scribe just cocked any eyebrow; it's not like was embarrassed about his infatuation or anything.

"Yes, I do like Hermione. And it wouldn't be rude; the first time we met Harry's parents we pretended that we'd seduced Gainel, remember?"

"I must have forgotten…ok, on three, we bang down the door…one…two…"

"So glad you could make it!" cried Lily, opening the door. Sirius was beside her, smirking.

Harry sighed. "How long were you guys behind the door, listening?"

Sirius grinned. "Only the whole time, pup. Do come in though…looking sharp, lads…looking sexy, girls…"

Lily swatted at Sirius. "Sirius, please refrain yourself from hitting on my son's friends!"

The Rebellion shuffled inside, and Harry didn't miss the wink Bolt shot at Sirius.

..::ooOOOoo::..

Everyone was sitting at the dinner table- Lily and James at the head and tail of the table. Harry was sitting right opposite Gainel.

Lily smiled. "It's so nice to have a proper meal as a family once again."

James also smiled. "Yeah. So…"

Harry suddenly banged his head his fork. "Oh, before I forget! Remus, we have something for you…"

Harry got out a vial of almost transparent amethyst liquid, and handed it to Scribe.

"This," Scribe explained, "Is a temporary cure for Lycanthropy - one drop each month will stop you from changing, but will not affect your inner balance or anything. With the help of Harry's Noir magic, I concocted the potion. This will last you about a year. Here."

Remus took the bottle with shaky hands. He was as white as a ghost.

Lupin laughed shakily. "Who are you?" he asked of Scribe.

Scribe winked. "I'm just a sexy transvestite from transsexual Transylvania, Lupin."

Well, at least The Rebellion, Lily and Lupin got the joke.

They ate dinner talking about meaningless stuff, the Rebellion occasionally shooting Gainel death glares.

Once dinner had been finished, Lily cleared her throat.

"Harry?" she asked quietly.

_Uh-oh_. Harry sensed something extremely awkward was going to happen…

"How many times have you had sex?"

Oh yeah. Talking about sex while James was still chewing his food. VERY awkward.

"Twice," was the reply Fate gave. "Though we kind act like it, we're not…err, _darn_, I can't swear…um, well, we are not _promiscious_ or anything."

Lily sighed with relief. "Well, that's alright then. But I presume you had protection and it was with someone you knew?"

Harry smiled. "Yes. It was with Blade over here at the end of last year, and then at the start of this year it was…Scarlet. Hey, do you guys remember her?"

The Rebellion nodded.

Scarlet 'Scar' and her group of crazy friends -Tonks (not related to the Order's Nymphadora), Claw, Mask and Scrawl were a bunch of girls who drank and danced and went absolutely crazy all the time. They were sort of allies to the Rebellion; they got the Rebellion's enemies really drunk. They had a club named after them, called The Death Veela.

Scarlet was the less-insane of the girls, and was very pretty, as all of the girls were. She was/is essentially Whisper's girlfriend…but she and Harry had both gotten extremely drunk and ended up…well, you know what.

"Yeah," said Whisper cheerfully, "I remember her- hey, speaking of Scar…I think it's time we went clubbing!"

"You're going clubbing?" questioned James sternly.

Harry batted his eyelashes at his dad. "Why yes, father, do you have a problem with that?"

"You better not, punk." Leered Blade, threatening her Lacerating Baby once again at Mr Potter.

James gulped. "No, no problem…"

"Good," said Blade, licking her lips and putting her sword away.

But Lily wasn't so easily intimidated. "No sex, drugs, minimum of three bottles of alcohol."

Whisper leaned over and whispered in Fate's ear: "We'll just get Mask to keep filling up three bottles, ay?"

Fate grinned. "Ok, no sex, no drugs, only three bottles of Alco. Gotya. Ok, cya guys!"

The Rebellion walked out the door.

Sirius, Lupin and James (Gainel was just sulking) pouted their lips at Lily.

"Why can't we ever go clubbing?" they whined.

..::ooOOOoo::..

"Didn't think you guys were gonna show," commented a slippery drawling voice from the shadows in the alleyway.

"Parentals were talking, Draco, no need to get in a huff." Replied Fate smoothly albeit cheekily as Malfoy came from out of the shadows.

Draco smoothed back his hair. "I never huff," he retorted haughtily.

"Please, Malfoy, I beg to differ," said a familiar girl's voice from the shadows, and Hermione Granger revealed herself.

"Hey, guys. I wouldn't let Ron come; he hasn't touched a drop of alcohol in his life, he'd go crazy."

The Rebellion eyed Draco and Hermione up and down, to see if their attire was appropriate for tonight's events.

Hermione was a black faux leather corset with hot pink laces. Her hair was straightened, and dyed a very dark brown almost black hue, but she'd let a few curls stay. Her eye shadow was black mixed with silver glitter, her mascara a bright pink. She was wearing three quarter black bike pants and pink a la Barbie stilettos.

Blade grinned. "A little too pink for my taste, Mione, but that corset is awesome!"

"Thanks, Blay."

Next was Draco.

He actually wasn't wearing a shirt which showed off his pectoral muscles- Bolt was having a hard time not staring at the guys' chest.

"Very…suave, Draco." Commented Bolt, and the seven of them walked towards a club red light flashing and music pumping, _The Death Veela_.


	9. The Death Veela!

**Author's Note:** Fangirls thinly disguised as OC's lie within, as does underage drinking, peer pressure, vampires and "clubbing".

* * *

"Yo, guard-inia's!" Blade called, signalling to the immensely butch bodyguards of The Death Veela, England's hottest nightclub. The Rebellion laughed at Kairi's pun.

"We're friends of the DV's themselves, Scar, Mask, Scrawl, Tonks and Claw. Let us in!"

The guard-inia's let the Rebellion, Hermione and Draco in to _The Death Veela._

"Hey, Claw!" called Whisper.

Licking her lips, Claw turned around, smiling widely, her bright blue eyes glimmering in the disco light.

"Hey, guys," she said, slurring on her words. "Be careful of Scrawl, she's really lusty tonight…" she said, before resuming snogging Draco senseless, whom seemed to be enjoying himself immensely.

Hermione cocked an eyebrow. "_Lusty_?" she repeated.

Bolt smiled. "Scrawl…well, she's an odd sort of Vampire, see. She can bite people, but not infect them, or kill them. Just suck their blood and have cool canines."

The girl ran her pierced tongue over her teeth, which included two very pointed cuspids.

"I'm great at dinner parties," she announced, her accent Transylvanian and a purr adopted in her voice.

"Hello, Scrawl," greeted Fate cheerfully.

"Hey," she purred once again, batting her emerald glitter lidded eyelids/lashes.

"I'll get Mask for you; she'll bring you drinks…"announced Scrawl offhandedly, but stopped dead as she saw two red headed twins walk through the entrance, in matching black tuxes, looking very suave.

Scrawl licked her lips, eyeing the two hungrily.

"Excellent…a two for one deal…" she said, walking up to them and introducing herself.

"Hey," she said flirtatiously. "I'm Scrawl, and who might you two gentlemen be?"

"Fred, George," they answered in unison, kissing either of Scrawl's hands, grinning wickedly.

"Hmm…So, _Gred_ and _Forge_, you two are troublemakers, I am guessing?" Scrawl asked, her accent accentuating her sex appeal. The Weasley twins nodded in agreement.

Scrawl turned around and winked at the Rebellion and Hermione.

Scrawl bit her lip as she turned back to face the twins, and said confidently, "I'll show you trouble," with a growl added in for extra oomph, Scrawl lunge into George's neck, sucking his blood feverishly. Done with the first twin, she let her blood encased fangs sink their way into Fred's flesh.

"Vampires…well, her kind anyway, are immune to that type of stuff," Bolt provided for the corset-wearing girl, before whistling loudly.

_Whoot-whoot-whoooooooooooo!_

A beautiful black-haired girl materialised in front of The Rebellion and Hermione, carrying a tray of deep purple looking liquid in shot glasses in one hand and dragging a cherry red lipped girl along with her in the other hand.

"Hey all," the girl in the waitress costume; Mask.

"What's up, Mask? Tonks?" Fate said snatching a shot glass from the tray offered, taking in Tonks' outfit.

"The sky." Two equally sarcastic voices interrupted. One was Whisper and the other his sorta-kinda-not-really-but-still girlfriend, Scarlet.

"WHISPER, BABY!" Scarlet cried, throwing herself onto the said hot guy, kissing him passionately.

Tonks giggled, stumbling on air.

"Oh!" cried out Mask, waving her hand at the shots, filling them with deep blood red liquid. "You guys _have_ to try our new drink-"

Scrawl turned around and saw the glasses. "BLOOD!" she cried, lunging for the tray. Mask pulled it out of the Vampire's reach.

Fate, Blade, and Bolt who were the only ones left, looked a tad squeamish at Scrawl's outburst.

Mask gave Scrawl a pitying look, and told her very gently, as if speaking to a child;

"Scrawl, honey, I want you to go and try and suck the blood out of customers, okay, and steal their cash, okay? Do you think you can be a good little Vampire and do that for me honey?"

Scrawl nodded, and didn't subject to Mask calling her little, even though she _was_ small for her age. She then began to prey on innocent little customers…

Cue evil Transylvanian cackling. Oh and the Time Warp! YES! THE _TIME WARP_!

Hem-hem. Well, back to the story….

Claw, who had momentarily stopped snogging Draco, laughed at the Rebellion's (well, what was left of them) squeamish looks.

"It's not actually blood, guys," she clarified. "It's called Crucifixion. Pure Alcohol."

"What type?" asked Bolt.

"I dunno,' replied Claw, and went back to snogging Draco, leading him over two the bar.

"Well she was very informative," Blade jibbed sarcastically.

Scarlet came up for air, as did Whisper, who's cheeks were tinged pink.

She looked up over at where the DJ was meant to be, but he wasn't there.

Scarlet frowned, until she caught sight of Bolt.

"Oh, Bolt, baby! Would you be the DJ for the rest of the night? It seems ours has passed out on the floor from lack of blood."

Scrawl winked over at them, grinning a blood filled grin.

"Guilty as charged!" she called, and went to find more prey.

Bolt folded her arms. "That'll cost you, Scarlet…"

Scarlet grumbled, but nevertheless forked out a hundred galleons.

"That'll keep you going all night, eh, Sarra?"

Bolt nodded excitedly, and ran to fill her post.

Mask cleared her throat, and Harry and Kairi turned towards her.

"Are you gonna try Crucifixion or not, dudes? Just one shot makes Tonks here look completely sober."

Fate and Blade grinned, and grabbed a shot of the crimson liquid.

They went over to an unoccupied table and sat.

Blade the proceeded to slam her shot down on the table before drinking it, and stabbing said table angrily with a hacksaw that appeared out of nowhere.

"Are you quite alright, Kay-Blay?" asked Harry.

"Fine," grumbled Blade, throwing the hacksaw away; it hit some random Minister For Magic with a bowler cap on (what was HE doing here?) but neither of them could give a damn. "It's just- ugh, when you had to pretend to love that Weasley girl…"

"You got jealous?" inquired Harry of his girlfriend.

"I should be allowed to," finished Blade defensively.

"Ah well," she continued. "Bottom's up, ay?"

And with that, the two downed the liquid Crucifixion…

The drink was so intoxicating; none of them remembered what had happened the following morning…

..::ooOOOoo::..

"H-Harry?"

"Ugh, yeah, Blade?"

Blade stared down at her…naked self. _Oh shit. _

"Did we-?' she asked Harry, and he snapped open his eyes.

"Oh, crap! We-"

"Screwed."

"Trust you to put it bluntly."

"You know you love it, Potter."

Harry looked around the Gryffindor boy's dorm. "Wait, where's everyone else?"

Everyone else meaning everyone that they were with last night.

Right on cue, Hermione, Draco, and, surprisingly, the Death Veela's, sober as a Chess-playing redhead.

"Are they here?" The group called out in unison.

Blade screamed and Harry conjured some clothes for both of them.

Tonks rolled her eyes. "It's not like that was going to scar us for life or anything.."

"In fact," continued Scrawl, "it was quite-"

"Whatever!" interrupted Hermione, looking anxious. "Point we are trying to make is, is that we can't find Bolt or Whisper or Jacques anywhere!"

Harry's scar seared with pain_. Holy heck and three quarters! _

"Lord Mould's got them!"

* * *

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	10. The End, Or Is It?

..._Harry's scar seared with pain. Holy heck and three quarters! _

_"Lord Mould's got them!"..._

Harry looked towards the Death Veela's, Hermione and Draco.

"We'll need your help." he confirmed, frowning slightly.

Scar nodded for the group. "We're in."

"I second that," chimed in Hermione.

"Me too," finished Draco.

Harry grinned. "Right, now, this is what I need you guys to do…"

..::ooOOOoo::..

Bolt, Scribe and Whisper were tied to chairs magically. They couldn't escape.

Scribe cocked an eyebrow at Lucius.

"I," said Scribe, "was under distinct impression that we killed you."

Lucius cackled, and then snarled, "That was merely a lower Death Eater with a high glamour charm on."

Bolt inwardly cursed. How on earth could have they missed that?

Whisper looked around the dimly lit room.

"You'll never get away with this!" he cried dramatically. "Neither you or Lord Mould! The pureness in our hearts will set us free!"

Everyone in the room fell silent, until Lucius threw a book at his head.

"You are a real dickhead, you know that?" exclaimed Scribe. "Why the hell did you say that crap? It was obviously not gonna work, you fuckwit!"

Whisper huffed. "Well," he pouted, "it works in the movies."

Bolt snorted, and then sobered. How on earth are we gonna get outta here?

It's not like she could do anything. Though Sarralyn never admitted it, she hated always being in the background. All she could do was unlock stuff, look hot and change her appearance…

A sudden thought struck her. Bolt had finally mastered full Metamorphing a few weeks ago. She spied the book, which was sitting on her brother's lap, which bore the title, _How To Torture Innocents. _

Lucius had been reading that book. In order to keep them here, Lucius must have been following the book! He _needed_ that thing.

Bolt's plan concocted, she suddenly spoke in very rapid French, telling the remaining Rebels her plan.

..::ooOOOoo::..

Everyone listened intently in on Harry's plan.

"So, you all need to be in your positions, ready to attack, okay?"

The group gave a resounding, "Got it!"

Harry then turned to Blade, who was fiddling with her Lacerating Baby idly.

"We gotta go get Sweet and Sour," he said to her, and they both ran off to the dungeons.

Once they reached the dungeons, they knocked on the door.

_Knock-Knock-Knockity-Knock._

_Knock-Knock-Knockity-_

And Snape casually opened up the door.

"You might want to think up a shorter knocking sequence," Severus commented dryly, before allowing them into his private quarters.

"What can I do for you?" he asked.

"We'll just cut to the chase," said Blade quickly, "We need Sweet and Sour."

"NO!" shouted Snape. "You will NOT use my daughters as some part of a prank!"

Harry's temper got the better of him. If Jacques, Matthew and Sarralyn were all hung-over, there was no telling what Lord Mould would do to them. Time was running out faster than an Everyready Super Heavy Duty battery!

"It's not some stupid prank, you little big-nosed greaseball We have to rescue the rest of the Rebels from Lord Mould, and kill him once and for all! Your daughters are brilliant fighters-"

At this point Blade made a funny cough that sounded oddly like, "And distractions…"

"-and we need them! Please, Snape!"

Snape both eyed them for a second, but in the end relented.

"Fine," he sighed.

Harry and Blade smiled. Everything was going to plan…

..::ooOOOoo::..

Whisper and Scribe stared at Bolt in wonder; her plan was perfect!

Whisper lurched the _How To Torture Innocents_ book off his lap, so it flew to the other side of the room.

Scribe shook his head, and quills started to come flying out, breaking through Bolt's ropes.

She then morphed herself into a slit nosed, red eyed Lord…

..::ooOOOoo::..

"Fate, Blade!" cried out Sweet and Sour in unison.

Sweet looked as happy as ever, while Sour looked as unhappy as ever.

They were both black haired, slightly large nosed twins, seventeen years of age.

"So," intoned Sweet. "When does-"

"The battle," continued Sour.

"Begin?"

Blade quickly told them where to go, ready to fight.

..::ooOOOoo::..

Lucius turned back around, and gasped as he faced his master.

Bolt adopted a high, cold voice, hoping it sounded like Lord Mould.

Well, it sounded more like she'd sucked in a lot of helium, but, apparently, that's exactly how Mould's voiced sounded like.

"Uh…"

_Oh shit!_ Thought Bolt. She hadn't thought about what she was gonna say!

"I'm in a hurry…gotta see a man about a dog…I'm just gonna make like a hamburger and fries and be really quick here, Lucius," stated Bolt. "I'm just gonna take these two prisoners…"

Bolt freed them with a flick of her wand.

"And…APPARATE!"

And Whisper, Bolt, and Scribe did just that, leaving a very confused Death Eater in their wake.

..::ooOOOoo::..

Harry and Kairi burst through the Great Hall; someone had just apparated!

The rushed in two see Lord Mould holding Scribe and Whisper by the wrist.

"Voldemort!" snarled Fate, and said man gasped.

Suddenly, he morphed back into Bolt.

"Oh!" exclaimed Fate, understanding hat was going on. "I'm so glad you guys are okay!"

He then proceeded to hug them all.

Jacques laughed. "Do we really mean that much to you, Harry?"

Harry looked at them all. "Of course,' he said softly.

Blade made gagging noises.

"Ugh!" she cried, disgusted. "Too much sappiness! C'mon, where's the action, where's the blood, where's the fighting?"

A high, cold voice came from behind them.

"Right here."

The Rebellion took their fighting stances, and turned to face Lord Voldemort.

..::ooOOOoo::..

_Three hours later…  
_  
The battle was almost over. No-one on The Rebellion's side was dead or gravely injured, thank God. Countless Death eaters were dead though.

But that didn't really matter right now, because Lord Mould had gotten the upper hand of Harry, and had backed him into a wall.

Harry was wandless, and all he had left was his Noir Amulet. If only he could distract Voldie…

"You won't kill me, _Voldemort_." said Harry confidently.

"You think you're so tough just because you say my name, Potter. Any last words?" asked Lord Mould, red eyes gleaming.

Harry almost laughed, and nodded.

"I can see your epidermis!"

Voldemort looked down, and Harry, with all his might, kicked Lord Mould in the balls, then aimed his Noir Amulet at him and screamed, "AVADA KEDAVRA!"

Voldemort slumped on the floor, dead.

Harry grinned, victorious. He then looked around at everyone, who (apart from all the dead Death Eaters) were grinning too, and asked;

"Who wants sushi?"

..::ooOOOoo::..

Everyone was back at Grimmauld Place, Order HQ, celebrating.

Harry went over to Bolt, and inquired, "How'd you get away from Lucius?"

Bolt smiled wickedly. "Said I had to see a man about a dog, among other stuff.

"Which reminds me…_have_ you seen Hagrid? I was gonna pick up the Chihuahua later, but while we're on the topic..."

Harry directed Bolt to where Hagrid was.

Lily and James came over to Harry, and hugged him.

Harry looked them straight in the eyes.

"You realise I'll be leaving, don't you?"

Lily looked as if she were about to cry. "N-No…why? Can't you stay?"

The Rebellion (plus Bolt's newly acquired Chihuahua) came over to support him.

"Look," Harry explained, "While you guys are my family…so are the rest of the Rebellion. We'll come back and visit…just…we like being abroad."

James and Lily nodded in understanding.

"Well…" said Blade, cutting in on the awkward silence. "We best be leaving now."

Scribe whacked Gainel on the head, and said, "Expect an award in the mail, mate. A…err…token of our gratitude for all that you've done."

"What award did you make him, Scribe?" whispered Fate to his friend.

"_Idiot Of The Year_."

"What a fitting title."

Blade looked like she wanted to murder someone.

"I got our pay from Dumbledore…and you know what it was? A bowl of forking lemon drops! I'll kill that crazy old git!"

The Rebellion opened the door, ready to leave.

"Where will you go?" asked Dumbledore.

Harry smiled. "Where else but to Church, of course!"

And with that, The Rebellion closed the door, vanishing out of sight.

Lily was crying. But as many of the Order members tried to offer words of comfort, they found that they couldn't.

For, you see, their tongues were stuck to the roof of their mouths.

**The End.**

PS. Not Really. 


	11. And You Thought That It Was All Over!

**Author's Note: **Updated 2/10/10.

* * *

Fate woke up with a start, and realised he was still full clothed. In a bed. Next to Blade.

But Harry had bigger things to worry about than the absurdity of the predicament he was in. He jabbed Blade repeatedly on the shoulder until she woke up.

"Wha's wrong?" she asked groggily.

"Oh, Blade!" cried Harry. "I had the _worst_ dream…Scribe and Whisper and Bolt were captured by Lucius Malfoy, and then we battled Lord Mould, and I told him he that I could see his _skin_…and, and _Snape_ had _daughters_, and it was written really _really_ badly, we had no one-liners or nothing…and Bolt got a _Chihuahua_!"

Blade hugged Harry tightly. "Oh God, that sounds exactly like my dream that I had!" she exclaimed.

"You don't think…" started Harry, but was interrupted by a loud shout from across the upstairs spare room of his parent's house.

"_ALIENS!"_

"Whisper, honey, there are no such things as extra terrestrial life forms, okay?"

"There is too, Scarlet!"

"Where's the proof then?"

"Easy, the fact that we all just had the same dream that Fate was talking about! And crop circles! And Albus Dumbledore's LEMON DROPS!"

Fate shot a look over to the bickering couple, who were on the floor of the spare bedroom, fully clothed with a bottle of Firewhisky in each hand.

Blade shot them an incredulous look. "You guys are still drinking at - _five in the morning_?" she asked after checking the time with a quick spell.

Whisper waved this off. "Nope, that's just water in there…we stuck to three bottles of alcohol, just like your mum said."

"And we got some sugar, too!" added Scarlet happily as she showed a clear plastic slip filled with white sugar.

"You got a bag of sugar?" cried out Blade and Harry in unison, and then started to laugh like crazy at Scarlet. This day was turning out to be so freaking weird!

Whisper, slightly miffed that they were laughing at his girlfriend, flicked his wand and Fate and Blade found themselves completely stark naked.

Blade screamed and Harry yelled, and Whisper and Scar started to laugh so much that their faces went red and their eyes watered.

Harry pulled the covers over himself and Blade, and surveyed the room. "Hey," he asked, "Where's Bolt, Scribe, Hermione and Draco? I remember that Scrawl, Mask, Claw and Tonks stayed at the club…"

Whisper's eye twitched as he thought of a theory.

"Hey, do you reckon Lord Mould might've taken them, like in our dream?"

Suddenly, then door sprang open to reveal Lily.

Harry then realised that the shit had really hit the fan; he'd have to worry about his missing friends later.

His mother had found them with a Firewhisky bottle, obviously refilled, Harry and Blade naked,_ in a bed_, Scar holding a clear slip of a white powdery substance, with Scarlet and Whisper looking flushed.

_No sex, no drugs and three bottles of alcohol_.

Oh _shit_.

* * *

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	12. Pancakes, Mmm!

**Author's Note: **Kudos to **Harley97**, who told me that they should have locked the door.

* * *

Lily looked abso-effing-lutely infuriated. Harry, Blade, Whisper and Scarlet gulped in unison loudly.

And just as Lily was about to shriek her head off at them, the window that lead into the room exploded into a million tiny shards of the floor below it as Hermione, Draco, Bolt and Scribe climbed through the now empty-of-glass window frame.

Harry blinked rapidly at his friends as Blade quickly conjured up he and her some clothes. "You do realise that there's a door downstairs."

Bolt sighed wearily as she plonked herself on the floor. "It was locked!"

"Ever heard of _Alohamora_?" inquired Scarlet mockingly.

Draco banged his head repeatedly on the nearby wall. "Yes. We forgot."

Harry looked annoyed. "Well, did you have to break through my window? You could have just thrown pebbles at the window till it got our attention- then we could have let you guys in."

"We did!" told Scribe. "But-"

"They got my window instead," said a voice from the doorway, and everyone turned to see Gainel already dressed with some serious bed-hair.

Not really noticing that he was talking to them in a civil manner, the Rebellion stared at Gainel's messed up hair. It was even worse than Harry's and James' hair put together.

Whisper was the first to voice his opinion.

"That has got to be the craziest hair I've ever seen, not to mention that has got to be ranked among other illegal and exotic things- three of which can only be pronounced in the accent of the Swahili…"

Blade quickly grabbed the bag of sugar Whisper had been holing. "No more sugar for you, mate."

Lily looked confused. "You mean that bag's just sugar?"

Her son nodded. "And we only drank one shot, Mum. Oh, and Whisper magicked our clothes off 'cause we were laughing at Scarlet."

Lily's mouthed formed a silent 'Oh'.

She seemed to sum everything up, and The Rebellion sighed in relief.

"Well," said Lily happily, "Who wants pancakes?"

"We should really get back to school, Mrs Potter…" started Hermione, but Lily hushed her up.

"Please, leave your headmaster to me. Now, do you want maple syrup with blueberries? Or-"

"What do you mean, leave him to you?" questioned Bolt, curious. "What, do you scare him or something?"

Lily smiled wickedly.

"You'd be surprised."

"I can see it now; DUMBLEDORE FLEES FROM WRATH OF PANCAKE COOKER."

(Cue crickets chirping)

"Whisper?"

"Yes, Blade?"

_"That wasn't funny!"_

A screech could be heard from the broken window. It was a jet black owl with red eyes.

It swooped and dropped a letter into Harry's hands. It said;

_Meet in Quidditch Pitch for Final Battle. _

Lily sniffed, and walked out of the room. "Guess I won't be making the pancakes then…" she muttered, because for some reaon an immature comment from who normally is a mature, caring and kind canon character is presumably funny to others.

Harry suddenly looked as though he was in pain as he turned to face Gainel.

"As much as pains for me to say this, dear brother…we need your help."

* * *

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	13. The Ending To End All Endings!

**Author's Note: **Thank you to everyone who reads and reviews The Rebellion and who adds it to their alerts, favourites and communities.

* * *

"WHAT?" cried everyone, minus Fate, in the room.

Harry grinned. "Well, we _do_ need a distraction, after all."

Fate then set to giving everyone orders.

"Whisper, go, now and," addressed Harry to the sandy-blonde haired teen, "Do your thing, honey!"

Whisper ran out of the room, talking to his spider, Lucy.

Bolt suddenly burst out a rendition of 'Ain't No Other Man' by Christina Aguilera, until Hermione screamed and clamped a hand tightly over the girl's mouth.

"Stop!" she hissed. "Or we'll be subject to copyright!"

Bolt quickly shut up.

Harry then turned his attention towards Blade. "Get us some good weapons, ones that are efficient and competent."

Hermione cleared her throat. "Erm, Harry…efficient and competent mean exactly the same thing."

Fate did a very good impression of a goldfish. "Oh. Well…" He cleared his throat awkwardly.

Blade came to his rescue. "I'll just get the swords and stuff…" she said, then quickly exited the bedroom.

"What can I do?" chirped Ron.

"You can die your hair, it's like a freaking beacon…" muttered Scribe annoyed that Hermione and Ron were holding hands.

"Did you just say bacon?" asked the redhead eagerly.

Scribe got a wicked look in his eyes. "Yes, I did, Ron! There's some down on the Quidditch pitch…!"

Ron raced out of the house, dragging Hermione with him to find the non-existent piece of meat.

"Don't be so mean, Scribe!" Hermione called back, annoying the dude even more.

Harry's eyes suddenly went very wide. "How on earth did Ron get in this house?"

He was met with silence.

"…and where's Ginny been all this time?"

More silence.

"…and…_how_ do you pronounce my brother's name?"

Lily broke the silence that had befallen the inhabitants of the room.

"I'm pretty sure it's like Jan-ell…or maybe it's Gan-yell…or Gain-elle…"

Scribe blinked a few times, just for good measure.

"You mean you don't know how to pronounce your own son's name?"

Lily shifted guiltily, and someone coughed in the distance.

Harry frowned even more, deep in thought. "Hey, does the 'someone-who-coughs-in-the-distance' have a name?"

Silence X 2000.

In a sudden puff of smoke, Albus Dumbledore appeared, holding a tin of Lemon Drops.

"How about we call him _Tim_?"

Murmurs of agreement rang throughout the room. "Tim it is then!"

James spoke from the doorway.

"Uh, if I'm not mistaken…aren't we meant to be getting ready to seal our fate and kill a mass murderer?"

"Oh yeah…"

Harry stretched out his hand. "Okay, guys! Let's do this! What are we fighting for?"

"Peace!" cried Scribe, placing his own palm atop of Fate's.

"Justice!" yelled Remus, Sirius, Lily, James and Bolt, and they too mimicked Scribe.

"Liberty!" cried Dumbledore, and _see above for what he did too_.

"Fuzzy Purple Bunny Slippers!" shouted Gainel.

Harry blinked several times.

"Fuzzy purple bunny slippers?" he repeated slowly, worrying about the sanity of his brother.

"Yes," mumbled Gainel, shifting uncomfortably.

Harry snapped his head up. "_Moving_ on!

"This is the rest of the plan, okay?" said Harry, and everyone leaned in. "So, listen closely…"

..::ooOOOoo::..

A Few Moments Later…

Bolt was crouching behind a pillar near the Quidditch pitch, where the notorious Death Eater Lucius Malfoy was sitting, slacking off.

_I thought Fate killed him!_ thought Bolt, and took a closer look at Malfoy Snr. Maybe it's Lord Mould with Polyjuice Potion…?

Alas, Bolt's theory was thwarted when Lucius took a bite of a chocolate bar, and the feisty Rebel took a closer look at the wrapper, which said:

Death!

"OH-EM-GEE!" whispered Bolt. "Death Eater's DO eat Death!

_Death!__ Is a trademark of Lord-V's-Wizarding-Baked-Goods-And-Co. Each sold separately, batteries not included._

On the other side of the Quidditch Pitch, in the shadows, Gainel, frightened, asked loudly,

"What was that? That- that- cheesy promoting voice-over voice?"

"A bird? A plane?" suggested Blade sarcastically. "Or _maybe_ it's a cheesy promoting voice over voice!"

"Wow," said Gainel, "I would have never picked that!"

Gainel groaned. "These glasses are slipping down my nose!" he whined.

"Shut UP, you little freak!" screamed Blade, severely annoyed. She'd _kill_ Harry for making her Gainel's babysitter!

Voldemort sighed, and looked at his evil watch.

"I thought Potter would be here already!" he complained to Goyle Snr, who was his only remaining Death Eater.

"Ugh…" said Goyle, and Lord Mould bristled.

"It's always 'Ugh', Goyle, _always_!"

Gainel got the signal to go and distract Lord Mould.

"Hey! Lord Mould!" he cried, waving his arms like a madwoman… (coughs excuse me…mad _man_…) "It's me, Harry Potter! OVER HERE!"

Voldemort squinted at the little speck of a guy that was jumping up and down. "Oh, look Goyle, _there_ he is…!"

He strode over to Gainel-Harry, who gulped.

"Hello, Harry."

"You don't scare me!" Gainel all but screamed, snivelling.

Lord Mould smirked, and whispered, "Boo!"

"AHH!" cried Gainel, and ducked, his hands over his head, pleading, "Please don't hurt me…please don't hurt me…"

"LISTEN TO ME! MUAHAHAHAHAHA!" cried Voldemort.

"Can you say 'psychopath'?" whispered Gainel-Harry to no-one in particular.

Goyle Snr, halfway through eating his Death! bar mumbled, "Sicho-Syncho-Silopat-"

Voldemort groaned. "Goyle, for the love of all that is spherical, will you please go get some English lessons?" He then rounded on the still whimpering Gainel. "And you! Ever heard of the word _tissue_?"

Gainel- Harry was about to answer, when a loud rumbling noise in the distance caught his eye.

Err, ear.

Looking towards the horizon, there, stampeding down towards the Quidditch Pitch was a large, ominous group of animals. Tigers and lions and bears (oh my!), giants and unicorns…owls, grasshoppers, fish, snakes and Gilderoy Lockheart were all charging down at an alarming speed. They were following a figure, cantering on a brumby; a male figure with sandy blonde hair.

Whisper.

Voldemort's fiery red eyes widened; if he didn't get away, he'd be Chop Suey.

In a far away muggle home on the east coast of Australia, System Of A Down could be heard blasting from a stereo.

But that really isn't important, now is it?

All of a sudden, the REAL Harry bounded out of a random bush on the middle of the Quidditch Pitch and shouted, "Hey Voldemort!"

The snake-eyed weirdo turned around, eyes narrowing until the looked more like lines drawn on his face than actual eyes.

Harry grinned, and said, "Your Momma is so ugly, she goes into a haunted house and comes out with a job application!"

There was a cry of "_Burn_!" and an imitation of a whip being cracked from Blade. Voldemort looked furious. "Well, Potter," sneered the snake-eyed man, "You mother is so filthy she's a mud-blood!"

The crickets that had rampaged down the hill (I do not believe that they were aforementioned, but anyhow…) started to chirp in the silence. Suddenly, a random bunch of girls started to laugh their socks off.

"Dude!" they all cried as they picked up their socks, "we get it! _Mud_-Blood! Filthy- as in MUD! HA!"

"AVADA KEDAVRA!" Voldemort cried, killing all the girls- the loveable, gorgeous and multi-talented Death Veela's, in a single blow.

The real Harry, furious at his friends all dying, screamed the killing curse, his wand aimed straight at Lord Mould's heart.

The curse hit, and everything felt like it was going in low motion; Voldemort fell to the floor, dead, Goyle screamed like a little girl, Blade started to do a victory dance with Whisper, Bolt and Scribe jumped out of nowhere and started singing "He's dead, he's dead! The mouldy guy is dead!" and a random avalanche instantly crushed Harry and Gainel.

Nah, this narrator is just joshin' you.

Their parents Lily and James instantly crushed them as they hugged their sons fiercely. The war was now over- Lord Voldemort was dead.

Peace was once again restored to their sacred lands.

Well, the Quidditch Pitch, at least.

Fate, Blade, Whisper, Bolt and scribe smiled at one another: for now, their job was done.

_The_ _End_.


End file.
